Recently the past month or so my father has become obsessed with thinking my mom cheated on him 50 years ago. My mom is a strict Christian and never been 38th anyone but my dad. He also thinks she slept around with a bunch of men from his work...50 years ago. He thinks an old coworker has been sneaking in the house and writing his name on papers. (its my dads hanswriting) This isn't just dementia. When I was a child we moved from miami because kids were following him, damaging things...same thing in sebastian. He was better for about 8 years then it all started up in Gainesville. Acused my uncle of scratching his sculpture and my mom wasn't allowed to see her sister the past 10 years. I arranged for them to meet last year as they're in their 70s and it would break my heart if they never reunited. We had a home nurse visit but finally had them stop when he started yelling them lies about us. We steal his pills. I'm a bad mother. I don't take care of my daughter. Who I homeschool and do above and beyond...The thing is I can take him calling me a nothing, a nobody, a piece of shit and probably not even his. I've been dealing with him all of my life. I've been back home for 3 years now. I promised my mom I wouldn't leave her alone. Although I am crying my eyes out right now. I want to hurt him and that makes me think I need help here. He refuses to go to a dr because I'm crazy and he's perfectly same. But everyday I hear him yelling at my mom shes a who're and a slur and I can't take it anymore!!!! I'm not able to act like a caretaker my emotions are getting in the way.
Is your father seeing any doctors and getting any meds, or would he refuse them? I get the impression this isn't a new development but is reflective of behavior over a much longer period of time. Has he seen a psychiatrist or psychologist?
You might anonymously contact APS and ask them to intervene, with the possibility of getting psychiatric help for him. If he's living in the same house as you, your mother and your child, I think it's time for him to leave.
Your child doesn't deserve to have to be exposed to this situation, nor should she. Not only does she deserve better, but it's very unhealthy for her to see this kind of adult behavior.
In fact, if you voluntarily continue to expose her by living with them, or him, you yourself could be considered neglectful and brought up on charges in a juvenile court.
I think I understand why Mom doesn't want to be left impoverished by paying for Dad to live elsewhere, but that really seems to be the best solution, doesn't it?
Meanwhile, do NOT take to heart any of your dad's insults, and do use this opportunity to teach your daughter about mental illness. He is not in his right mind when he says these things.
My brother suffered from a mild alcohol-induced dementia that may have been brought on by small strokes. He had hypertension and a bad heart. He imagined the FBI was after him. He was even convinced they sent rats into his hotel room to spy on them. The rats had cameras on their tails that were held up by balloons. Oh, okay. :-) He got upset with me when I didn't believe him. He believed it was true until the day he died. Something you can do if he has paranoid delusions is to just play along with them unless someone would be hurt. You could say you're tending to some problem, e.g. children following him, and have notified police to be on the lookout. However, if he accuses your mother of infidelity, just say "She would never do that, Dad. Don't worry. I know her." That may comfort him. (I know you have to play it by ear.)
I agree with others that this may not be the best environment for your child. I know that sometimes we do what we have to do. I personally would be very tempted to take your friend up on that offer of staying with them for a while. You can still be there for your mother and at the same time taking care of your child. Good luck! It sounds like a mess.
Upallnight thank you, i hope you have all the strength you need to get through this with your husband. I know you know how it feels and that makes me sad. Good luck back at you!
Jessiebelle my dad had a ministroke too...his heart kept having to be drained of liquid with a big syringe and his lungs are full of asbestos. He was in the korean war and i think he has ptsd. But the ships back then had asbestos. His esophagus is eroded he gets constand bladder infections and on and on...I can look at how his body reacted from all that liquor and not want to drink at all.