Love my mom..she now has heart and mobility issues...so I'm not going anywhere.and I'm glad i can help her-...i really do...Most time its ok...cause Im busy working or sleeping or driving her around and do million errands..But its hard on me as a 40 plus grown woman..(divorce no kids who loves to travel) I will always be her daughter -her child.. and it is her house (same house I grew up in) but I don't feel like an adult here.. I could never bring a guy home, can't just have people over here for drinks, or get together etc.. (actually have few friends cause no time to cultivate relationship) any free time spent locked up in my room like a teenager.. and Today its really effecting me.. my friends have their lives, families , boyfriends, going out -doing things, having get to togethers... and here i sit ..She gets anxious if i go out and come home late... have to check in if i go out.... its getting on my nerves and i feel stifled and depressed.. OK , anyone else deal with this ?
Too bad there isn't a manual that we all get once our parent start to need help, so that our parent will feel comfortable in their surroundings while in the mean time we can live our own lives... yet feel like we are helping.
I ran into the family dynamic of once again being the child, and my parents once again being the adult. Our parents just don't see us as grown adults capable of making right decisions.... we will always be the "kid" and what do we know :P
As Jessie said above, I wish I could go back and do things differently. I wouldn't have enabled my parents for the past 7 years. Instead of me always being Option A, my parents would have needed to figure out Option B and C. That would have helped to relieve so much of the stress, which can bring on health related issues. I know I will never live to be my parents age [in their 90's]. I feel I am lucky to see next year.
sis told me later that after i persuaded the gal back outside , mom gave sis the old " mom / wry / skeptic " look and asked her " wheres the off switch on THAT thing ? ..
dont get me wrong . every visitor i had wasnt a skank -- but -- actually -- yes they were . every damm one of them ..
one of them was a rather rough looking old specimen . after our visit and bike ride i told sis " HAR , that clown rejected me from the word hello " . sis said " HAR , wonder if shes looked in the mirror lately ? " .
a good sense of sarcasm runs in our family ..
( nelson muntz ) .
I was lucky in that I was able to move out while remaining close by and relieve a lot of the stress that way. But even if you don't have that option, I think it's critical to learn how to assert yourself with your parents and step out of the "child" role as much as you can. They're used to being in charge, and we're used to letting them be in charge. But it's a new ball game when you're giving up your goals and plans and preferences to take care of a parent. It's not easy - I started therapy right after my caregiving role started and that helped me realize where I needed to set boundaries and how to do it. Good luck to everyone attempting to do the same!