Going out of the way to help an elderly person.

When I've been out with my mother or with my husband (both with dementia, in wheelchairs) I have experienced courtesy and kindness. When my husband was still able to go about on his own on a mobility scooter people were helpful to him, or at least that is how he saw it. So I'm pretty sure at least some people do go out of their way to offer help. I don't suppose everyone does. I don't suppose even back in my day everyone did.

I suspect that you are preaching to the choir here ... after being caregivers I think most of us are sensitive to persons in need and generally try to help if we can.

interesting subject. i think this hard economy has caused people to act desperate and self centered in the last few years. this whole nightmarish global economy needs some rethinking then maybe people can slow down and smell the roses a bit. what we have is not working. the wealth is not trickling down. the german government about a year ago put the word out to industry that the pressure and abuse was going to cease. i think greed is what is hurting humankind more than any other single factor. the banks are govt entities with cutesy names printed on the doors so its the government that is cracking the whip to force more productivity out of us. think 1980's " workforce restructuring " .. think current euro austerity measures. people are desperate and it dont have to be this way..

Years ago my very fragile mom, with her rolling walker/seat went with my dad, my husband and me to the buffet at The Paris hotel and casino on Mothers Day. As usual there was a long line. We were fine with waiting our turn, but other patrons and the hostess waved us up to the front. I started to decline, and then realized how vulnerable my mom looked to others and the kindness being shown. We accepted the kindness and I look back at that with a sad smile.

I've noticed that if there is a wheelchair or a walker, then people are super nice and helpful. But if there isn't, an elder is often invisible.

Recently, heading out of town, there was a little old lady carrying two shopping bags walking along the side of the country road, no houses in sight, traffic just thundering by. I swung around to pick her up and took her home, which was far down the road. She said she'd been ill and unable to drive. I'd forgotten all about it until I saw this post. I think we give people a hand here and there spontaneously though, now living in the country, I find people are more likely to give one another a hand. Perhaps it's the slower (and more civilized) way of life.

I live in a small rural community with many elders . I don't notice so many others that stop to help, but I do.... if they can't find something in the grocery store... or it's on a bottom or top shelf.... but these old folks are also fiercely independent..... sometimes they will decline the help..... saying they can do it themselves.... have to admire and respect that....

This reminded me of something that happened in the grocery store. An older woman suddenly grabbed my arm. I didn't know her. She held on for a minute and told me she had felt dizzy, like she was spinning. You can tell I am a caregiver. It seemed the most natural thing in the world to stand there until she had her bearings back. Sometimes helping doesn't require any effort at all. I'm glad she wasn't feeling like she needed to hit somebody. :)

Actually I have found that many people offer to help me these days. I realize I look as though I need it and in fact appreciate it. I still emotionally feel as though I am a caregiver but make a point of accepting and thanking the helpers with a smile. I am also very independent and usually find a way to do things on my own when there is no one else around.

i agree with ashlynne, in the rural areas people vehemently watch out for each other. we need each other and have micro economies going on.
i saw an old lady in a wheelchair today at ednas rehab facility blocking the aisle that i wanted to traverse . she was beside an old guy , also in a wheelchair and i thought they were talking so i tried to wait them out. a closer glance showed that the old man was out of it with dementia and the old lady was trying to get past his chair but one of her footrests had came off and was entrapping both of them. i reattached her footrest, adjusted the height of it , told her her other dammit was missing, then asked a nurse to get her a second footrest. i was kindly thanked by the old gal and indeed enjoyed helping a helpless person out. i have an eye for the things people struggle with, always have had. i un -f**k things. im going to be giving some thought to what i might do in the elder care arena for a living. i think i communicate masterfully with less than coherant people as i compare my technics to the professionals ive met in the field. ive shaken up stone masonry with so much impact that theres little challenge left and i could walk away from it in a minute for something more challenging and rewarding. with little training i could be in the capacity of patient advocate and work in a professional environment with a staff of HOT looking women.

Aah...Captain. I should have known better. Here I thought you were evolving into a new leaf. You are going to add good works with the elder cares on top of your masonry. Then I read your last sentence, and laughed. Nope, you haven't changed at all. Just changing tactics.

I see a lot of elderlies refusing to go to the front of the line (stores or post office.) They prefer to wait in line with everyone. I have several time offered them to cut in front of me but they refuse.

Your"ll have to clean up your act if you are looking for hot chicks Capt. The facial fuzz will have to go and the Kaiser Bill helmet plus they will want you to shower more than once a month.You will be fantastic in the field but you will still be working with the idiots you have already encountered along the way. Keep doing what you do best helping one person at a time when no one else will bother. bet some old guy down the road would love you to rebuild hid front steps or an old gal have you tear out the coal stove she has been cooking on for 40 years and install the new electric stove she's been waiting for her idle son to install for the past year.
Just a thought

PS hop over to Book's island home. I bet she has a lot you could help out with including her dad. You understand the language where every other word begins with F so that old guy would not bother you and give book a laugh too.

then ill opt for skanks. they dont mind facial fur. theyre so plastered on pills that they dont even notice.
actually, a nurse at the rehab center is a male with almost as much wool on his face as i have and he seems quite respected in his workplace.
im about over stones. they dont offer near the resistance a f**ktarded dementia patient does.
youre hilarious veronica. stfu and make with the loufa sponge..

No comment I am a respectible old lady. Gotta keep hubby off this site.

The older folks have plenty of time and they are excellent examples of being polite and generous!

In my mother;'s nursing home the aids are mostly 300lb+ with homes, spouses and a life. Get it on with skanks and you'll contract STDs, maybe even HIV.

I do not appreciate being cared for by 300 lbs smelly minmum wage earning Aides. But I have to see the other side, at least they are not sitting home collecting welfare or SSDI. and who knows how long it is since they asked their landlord to fis the how water.
Ashlynne they don't have a life, they have an existence they rarely have a spouse.?a home well if you can call it that. they certainly have kids, usually several by different men. I can't condem that because that is the only way they can get the affection they are so starved for. Abused physically and sexually from an early age - male and female. Their parents passed out on drugs or booze during their childhood. School whats that? Parents don't want to get up that early to get them on the bus. I can go on and on.
As for disability, most people have not idea how long it takes to get approved for that. Typically 2 - 3 years and how do you put food on the table while you wait and try to pay medical bills. The answer is you can't you have to do just what the authorities hope you will do and that is take any job you can find at a fraction of your previous income. No chance of disability once you have a paycheck Someome I know needs disability and is about to apply for the third time and has been advised that the third time is usually a charm.
Pam Stegman will quote the actual rules I don't because I don't actually know the regulations but do know you are allowed to do a certain amount of work while on disability.I do have experience from the applicants point of view both from what this younge friend has been going through and my husband's own experience and the devastation it brought to our lives. My husband was a professional with matching income and we went to zero. We never were big spenders but had a mortgage and three kids in college. We lived on credit cards after we had withdrawn all of our retirement savings. Hubby had private disability insurance and was under 65 but that took 2 years to get and when it came they paid the back amount in the same year as we started getting the monthly payments so you can imagine what that did to our tax rate. When he turned 65 the private insurer demanded he apply for SSDI and hired a lawyer (you know the ones that advertise on TV) to handle the application. It was approved the first try but 25% of the back amount went to the lawyer. After that the private insurer deducted the amount of SSDI from their payment including their cut of the SSDI back payment lump sum. No health insurance comes with all that so we paid $1100 out of pocket a month till we were old enough for Medicare.
We did manage to keep our home and the kids stayed in college supporting themselves and taking loans. At 59 I went back to work for another 10 years.
How did we come out of all this.? for a while we juggled credit card balances between numerous cards which is no longer so easy to do, then we were able to sell our home and move to more modest quarters. Finally hubby's parents died and through their fore sight and frugality we inherited enough to clear all the debts and have a cushion left. We are still not in the position we should have been in if hubby had continued his well paying job but I don't lie awake at nights wondering which bills to pay first. Hubby's contemporaries go south for the winter have overseas vacations and cruises but I doubt they have fewer personal problems. I gained so much from my final career including a sence of self worth and huge personal growth for which I will be forever grateful.
Now back to those Aides. Training for an aide is basically free and only takes five weeks and pays a little over minimum and if you are smart enough paves the way to LPN, RN and beyond. Many of them have been doing it for many years and the older ones are exhausted and burned out but not yet 65 + They often work nights because that way they are home during the day to watch the kids or grand kids or care for a sick husband or other relative. As for the other half of the aides I encountered during a recent hospital stay they were younge bright slim in newish scrubs, interested in their patients and observent of changes in condition. Swollen feet the RN was in there checking in a heartbeat .
They were making a career of nursing and were RN students at the nearest university.
When I was working I used to hate it when I knew I was visiting a patient with a daughter who was an Aide. nine times out of ten all her sisters were also aides and they would be sitting on every available chair in a broken down trailer holding their stethoscopes waiting to see just how much this hospice nurse thought she knew about Mom or Dad. Once I had run the gaumtlet and found Mom in a darkened back room I would turn my back on the ten faces peering through the door and just hold Mom's hand. I was actually feeling her pulse but they did not know that. A pulse can tell you a million things if you grew up before modern medical marvals. After a few minutes of holding Mom's hand and stroking her arm the bravest one would ask "Well nurse what are you going to do now?" Tiny bit of respect in the voice because with my grey hair it was obvious the ink had long since dried on my diploma. "First of all I am going to get her cleaned up, she's been lying in this all day' So get me hot water, towels clean sheets and another night gown" Shock spread over thier faces becaus a RN did not change poopy diapers!!!!"
Got off on a tangent there but my point is that Aides come in all shapes and sizes for many reasons and at all levels of intellegence.
We have wonderful private caregivers on this sight who have gaine much knowledge during their years of caregiving. i don't know if they have formal certifications or not. It does not matter, they have proved their ability to do the job and do it with patience and humility. If I was called to visit one of their patients I would listen very carefully to what they had to report because I know they have sensibilities beyond their level of training. Nursing is a whole different world from 50 years ago.I skipped the middle bit, can't read an EKG, start an IV and many other things the modern RN is taught but I sure can assess a patient and recognize signs of various diseases and if I don't know still have a tongue in my head and an inquiring mind.
Capt I have great respect for male nurses. Their work ethic is usually excellent and they are very knowlegeable and compassionate. Facial hair can create a hygiene problem but even worse are the female nurses with flowing lockes that lean over you. Like food workers it should be restrained or covered at work. Gloves and masks are worthless with hair flowing in the wind. I
Sorry this is way off the subject of helping elders which I have previously said I am very appreciative off. Is like surgeons with sterile fingers who peek under dressings.