I know I am supposed to be upbeat and caring and all that "stuff". But today when I woke up I just wanted to let out a primal scream and break something. Today I want to left alone and not talk, just for today.....not going to happen. Please no therapy suggestions........they want to know how you felt from the first breath you took.......don't have the time or money for that. I feel that there is no way out. It is only going to get worse and worse. Thank you all for being here for me. This is not the real me, I don't think. I hope not at least. I feel that my light at the end of the tunnel is closing up. I will be ok tomorrow. I go to work and I love to go. Blast me if you want to. I'm just glad I found you all.
Go ahead and scream! Sounds like you need a walk around the block or an hour at the beauty shop! Find a piece of something ...anything for yourself and grab onto it....Find a way to get a little respite for yourself!
Try to take some time to get out and away and think of something positive and happy, we all need to take time to recharge our emotional batteries!
We're with you, tarajane.
On one particularly bad day with my dad, I stood in front of him shaking from anger and pain, and said, "FINE ... You do it alone, and WHEN you fall, and you know you will, I'll still be here to help you up. You are not in this alone. We're all along for this painful journey. BE NICE!!!" and stomped off. I mean, really ... we're all human and entitled to our own level of grief. And that's the hardest part. We're not just giving care and taking care of our elders .... we're losing them. And it just HURTS.
Scream away.
LadeeC
Yes, dear, be upbeat and caring, because you are a caring person and because this man has been your wonderful, loving, soul mate. But for heavens' sakes, don't expect to pull it off 24/7/365! You are human!
May I make one tiny suggestion? Please don't totally write off the possibility of therapy. Maybe not now, but hold the idea in the back of your mind. Hang on to this forum as a source of support and communication. And if at all possible I urge you to find a local caregiver support group -- as close to your situation as possible. That is, for people caregiving a spouse with dementia. Or at least people caregiving those with dementia. A more general group of caregivers would be better than no group, but the closer to your situation the better. This may actually be more therapeutic for you than a one-on-one counselor.
Hang in there! You are doing fine.