By way of explanation..............I am a widow taking care of my MIL(totally bedbound). She has been on hospice for 15 months now. And I really appreciate their help. An aid comes 3 days a week to help me bathe her, a nurse comes once a week, social worker once ever 3 weeks. Her surviving son (my BIL) comes once or twice a week. I hire a friend of mine to sit for me when I have to go out.
Each of these people sort of come in and take over my house. It sounds so selfish...... but having all these people freely descend upon my house is starting to really bother me. MIL's hospital bed is in the middle of my living room............it's too big to put in any bedroom. I have only one bathroom and I just hate that "the whole world" uses my bathroom - a lot. Lately, I'm just getting tired of it all. There is no privacy here and these visitors are often drop in so I have to always be ready in case they show up. I am grateful for these people but the house is no longer mine. It feels like grand central station......and the twilight zone at the same time. Deep down, do any of you feel this way or am I the only one?
The visitors who come to my house are nice enough. They talk and talk - because of course my MIL doesn't talk at all. Makes for an uncomfortable time of meaningless chatter. You see, we don't have anything in common except my MIL and well..............there's no news there.
The only one bathroom - just feels like my personal space - last bastion kind of thing. Hospice aids change off and on and cover for each other etc so it's like strangers again. I'm a grateful person and don't mean to complain. Just a needed vent. Glad to know I'm not alone.
Good heavens, you don't need to be *ready* whenever someone drops in. I use to be that way whenever relatives said they were coming to visit... like I had to be Hazel and Martha Stewart rolled into one.
As for the bathroom, set it up with a roll of paper towels for guest to use [I do that whenever workmen are in the house, I think they really appreciate it], thus no cold wet hand cloth when you want to use the bathroom... put one of those attached toilet bowl cleaners on the bowl rim to help you feel like the toilet is a bit cleaner.
I do understand. I have always been a very private person and this is the one thing that always causes me more issues than even the fact that my sibling does not help...I guess my comment is no help..but I feel the same way for sure...
Any in-laws you don't want around? Ask them to clean the bathroom. LOL. They will never come back. Oh, well....
2. Hospice offers respite. It might be good for you to take advantage of that.
3. Presumably, MIL is still expected to not live long, or she wouldn't still be on hospice. How long do you think you can "grin and bear it" to live in grand central station? Of course predictions of life expectancy can be way off, as MIL's original one must have been. But could you tolerate this another 3 months? 6 months? Another year? Could you say, "If MIL is still on hospice by the end of June, other arrangements will have to be made"? Or do you want a change right now?
4. Have an honest talk with Hospice staff. The nurse if you feel close to her, and the social worker. They will not be judgmental and may have some advice for you. At the very least they will empathize.
5. I'm not sure if you want advice about changes or you just wanted to vent and be assured you are not selfish and your weariness is normal. You are definitely a very generous person, and your feelings are very normal!
6. A couple of suggestions for change: These people are not "company" -- you don't have to be at your company best all day everyday. They will survive seeing you without makeup or in your housecoat. And ask for a two-hour notice before they come. Just a quick phone call. Feel free to tell them if it isn't convenient and suggest a different time. Can you hire someone, maybe a neighbor kid, to come in after school and clean your bathroom every day? That might increase your comfort level.
Best wishes to you on this journey with you MIL.
I agree with Babalou. Have you looked into a nursing home?
I think it's time to take back your house.