How do you wonderful caregivers deal with your own impatience?
I'm mad at myself once again today, after an afternoon of shopping with my 80-year-old Mom (recently diagnosed and being treated for mild dementia). She was having a bad day herself, because she also suffers from aphasia (the inability to find the words you need to communicate) and was having a horrible time trying to explain to the saleslady what she was looking for. I usually take a step back, because I've been told that being supportive is better than taking over, which is my nature. I should probably also mention that I am not a shopper myself, I've never understood the need to try oodles of things on and compare every last detail of a garment before deciding on something. But my Mom has always loved shopping, so it's something we do often now at her request. After three hours of trying on dozens of items in several stores, I noticed that my Mom was simply unable to make a decision. This might be a new symptom of her dementia, or it might just be her nature - since I became her full-time caregiver, I have to keep reminding myself that I am dealing both with a person who is changing, and with a parent that I am getting to know all over again. Mom and I never shopped together before this! In any case, my impatience spilled over a few times, with my voice getting edgy (if it's not comfortable, Mom, just put it aside and try the next one!), which ended in her feeling rushed, which was not at all what I intended. I apologized immediately and said - Let's take all the time you need! But the damage was done and she insisted on going home at that point. I feel like a horrible person. And I know that these moments come and go, and that our love is unconditional, and that I can't be too hard on myself. I know all these things! I just wish that I could learn a way to be more compassionate and more patient.... any tips from other Type A caregivers??
I do understand that we don't want to talk about it all the time and certainly it gets old always having to give everyone an update and always the first thing we talk about. We need distractions, for sure.
But, it is good to talk and share. That's why I am here!
OhJude, I get it now and yes, I was confused a bit. Getting our rest is essential to giving good care and keeping ourselves healthy. I wish I could just turn off my brain at night sometimes.
We vent, for one, and get off track, just like friends do when they're chatting.
One thing I think caregivers MISS is the ability to just have a conversation (like this thread) that IS NOT about caregiving, their loved ones decline, etc. I know my hubby will happily listen to me "complain" about mother for about 5-10 minutes, and then he gets this look that says "OK--let's move on". Being able to say what we feel in a safe place is one way we ALL seem to cope without losing it.
I have a bit of anxiety, well really I have anxiety period but sometimes it gets the best of me so I take a Alozopram which is ....Valium? Not often, every other month or so when I am frazzled, but I would more often if necessary. It works. My wife is very sick and gets extremely anxious so she takes stronger stuff. All of these drugs can be dangerous and can also be very effective if handled correctly. I am under the impression that many of us take anti anxiety drugs when needed.
Actually, he used to be quite the performer, and could really belt out the songs - especially ones like Can't Get no Satisfaction, Under my Thumb, Paint it Black, Jumpin' Jack Flash, Lady Jane, She's a Rainbow....those were some of my favorites.
Their music and compositions flirted with so many subjects that were almost taboo; they had no compunction of being critical of society.
Jagger has more energy at 72 than most people do at half that age. Of course, half the people might not be using whatever he uses to keep him going.
Still, the music groups of the English invasion were really trend setters and made incomparable contributions to American music.
We were so cruel back then
Jagger is about 80 now. Wow at the energy. I don't think I ever had that much. He's never been a looker, but he is certainly the entertainer.
And yes, I have seem Mick Jagger on a Jumbotron at a concert. Scary as heck. Guy looks mummified. Keith Richards isn't much better.
It comes from A rolling stones lyric to a song of the same name:Mothers Little Helper
What a drag it is getting old
Kids are different today
I hear every mother say
Mother needs something today to calm her down
And though she's not really ill
There's a little yellow pill
She goes running for the shelter of a mother's little helper
And it helps her on her way, gets her through her busy day
So, you are amazing!
Lol.
We could all do better not to doubt ourselves.
I think we need some short of shopping pill (Valium?!!!!!) to cope with Mum shopping. Mum can make choices now but she can't make a decision. And he desert would freeze over and camels come home on ice skates if I ever let her see the prices. She has gone a long way back in time and wouldn't dream of paying what in your money is about $2 for a pair of leather shoes!!!!
But I am perfect as per acronym
I just think we should step back sometimes and value ourselves for what we do that no-one else in our respective families does, wants to help with, or even acknowledges. I know that's not the case in all families but I don't think we recognise the strength we have that has allowed us to
put our lives on hold for very little or no pay at all,
cope with constant criticism,
deal with the variety of settings we find ourselves in that we never expected to have to even know about,
handle financial affairs
make decisions about really life altering stuff,
putting others before ourselves
actually care about another human being so much that we stand tall and protect them
Nothing is perfect in this world but thats why I created the acronym - so that we can see we are 'perfect' in our own very special way