Just need to vent AGAIN. My mom has 27 grand kids and great grandkids and 5 daughters and a sister and her family. How many have called to ask her to visit this year?? BIG FAT ZERO !!!!! No doubt they will be singing the blues when there is a funeral. crying that they didn't get to see her in the last years of her life........BULL HOCKEY It makes me sick This care giver stuff is lonely and its even lonelier when the one your caring for has ZEEEEEERO support outside of yourself. I suppose they would care a little more if they thought there was something in it for them at the end
( money ) but theres not, so they just don't care... period. You find out who your REAL friends and family are when your in your darkest hour. My eyes have never been clearer.......and its so disgusting what they see....I have to believe there is Karma ahead for some people... its all I have...
And then there is the denial, after all when they do come I have her all dolled up and she is show-timing like crazy, so despite her having her 96th birthday (which no one remembered btw) they seem to think they have plenty of time.
The one sister who is helping a lot is only doing out of a sense of fairness to me. The others don't have the sense of fairness. It took a long time for me to accept that about my siblings. As for my mother, she could care less as long as her needs are getting met. She'd rather have me, in any event. I've been doing it long enough to know what she needs and she doesn't have to explain anything to me, like where the groceries go when you unpack them or how she likes her sheets tucked in when you make up her bed. It's easier for her to rely on me, and I don't think she gives her other kids a second thought.
A few years ago I went to visit a friend's mom in a rehab center and when I left residents were sitting or standing outside the door saying how nice to see your mom. I said she's not my mom but a friend's mom. They looked shocked and now understand why a lot better. One of my goals is to start visiting some of these places to support those who have no one or maybe one or a few that shoulder the burden of care giving to support them. Because my parents, especially my mom, consume so much time now it's hard to do, but it is something I want to offer in honor of them when they're gone.
I am in the exact same position.. I am the Only one my parents have.. even though they have 4 children, my mom has 2 much younger sibling who live in town. When there is a medical crisis they all call and want me to give "updates".. from afar of course. Not one of them volunteers to come sit with my mom .. physically be there for her. They just appease their conscience by asking for "updates".
My siblings no longer send them gifts or cards.. only one still calls on any regular basis and that is only once a week. My sister actually told my mom she was too busy to text her back.. mom checks her ipad every day to see if she texts her. Can you imagine? A text takes all of half a second out of your miserable life.
My parents weren't perfect.. but they were loved in their younger years..I remember they ALWAYS got cards and gifts, visits for mothersday , fathers day Christmas, birthdays.. now they are lucky if they even get a call. now no one wants to spend time with them .. or help out in any way.
Its very sad and it does make me view the world differently.. I need to work on the anger and resentment though because it is eating ME UP.. they of course are fine with themselves and are going along their merry way.
All this to say.. that I understand.. it IS tough to go through this all alone!