Hi Everyone. I feel like I'm complaining, but I honestly don't mean to. I'm the sole caregiver for my mom and s-father. Both are in very poor health, but my mom who was always the healthy one, is now in the worst shape. In the past 2 weeks, she's been in the cardiac unit of the hospital, had 2 cardiac cath's, a stent placement for peripheral artery disease, and had major complications including an aneurysm at the cath site. She looks awful. She refuses to stay in the hospital for even 1 minute longer than she has to. Now that the crisis part seems to be under control, she's home, but looks awful, has a lot of pain, can barely walk and sleeps a LOT. My s-dad helps her a lot, for which I thank God for! He needs help too though. I've had to stop doing so much around the house. I can no longer vacuum and I'm to the point of exhaustion physically and emotionally. I'm having bad bad panic attacks, severe depression, and can't eat b/c of the stress. I live in their home since I had to go on disability from my nursing career a few years ago. I spend most all of my time in my room, alone. I have no friends to call. I see a counselor once a week when I can afford to and when I'm able to get out of the house b/c of my own pain issues. I feel dreadfully alone. I've cried so much that I feel I'm becoming a bit numb. The panic attacks are the worse! I don't know where to turn. I'm feeling hopeless and lost. I pray a lot, am on antidepressant meds and meds for anxiety. Once again I'm crying...and have to hide my feelings from my mom and s-dad b/c they're so ill and I don't want to be a burden to anyone. I wish I had a friend! My best friend broke off contact with me in September 2010, just before my mom was to go into the hospital for more major cardiac surgery. I think my friend thought I might ask her to watch my puppy, or help me in some way, which I wouldn't have asked anything of her except for her emotional support and friendship. We were friends for 22+ years. I try to keep a positive attitude in front of others and try not to complain. Still, it seems that I find myself in a situation where all I do is care for others, put on a fake smile, and be the strong one for everyone else. It's hard to watch as my mom and s-dad decline and I get so afraid everytime I walk through the livingroom where they're both sleeping or napping, and I have to look closely to make sure they're still breathing. I need help now too, especially emotionally. I pray for a friend. I'm so thankful I can come here where I know all of you understand. I really need to connect with sane people...lol.
Bless you all!
With love,
Kathy K.
all i can say is to keepcomin back and vent more . have u tried the thread gross out vent out ? bobbie had started that post , its a wonderful place to be at . as many would say the same thing , there is a bunch of us there are going thru the same thing u are .
come on over to gross out and vent out and u will be so glad that u did . it help me out a bunch , made several friends there and finding out where they live and exchange ph numbers and email address and findin eachother on facebook ,
this computer is a life safer and thank god for aging care . com !
i bet someone will help u and make u feel better once u get to know one of us at gross out , vent out . they prob could give u better advice than i could . half time my mind is just blank .
it s a shame that 22 plus years ur friend bailed out on u , that sucks ! thats a shame . so now u know who ur friends are ..
keep in touch my dear lady . xoxo big hugs to u ,,,
My name is Rene. I first would like to tell you how wonderful of a person you are. I truly understand what your going through. Please try to stay strong. I am a 29 yr old mother trying to keep smiling. I have a 8 yr old with severe cp his name is jared. Basically all's jared can do is laugh,cry, or move his head side to side. I feel your pain. I alway's have my fake smile on. I do have a wonderful husband and two beautiful step children. Although alway's trying to hide my pain. I do everything alone, and never had counceling or any help. I try to beat my pain with my jogging. I never bring up jared to friend's not wanting to make them sad. Or fear of them truly knowing how i feel. My husband is wonderful and adopted jared. He is the only person who see's me cry, when I truly cannot hold it in. My guilt never leave's feeling this situation would have been prevented. I chose a doctor who would only get paid by deliverying my baby vaginally. He truly knew my son was in trouble, he chose not to call his partner to save my baby. I thought i was going to die during labor, finally jared was born he was blue and took his first breath over 5 minute's after he was born.
I will pray for both of us everyday. My heart ache's for people and familie's who have to go through these stressful, depressing situation's. You are a beautiful person. I will keep you in my thought's. Take care Kathy K.
I do have someone coming into the house next week to evaluate and set up "Meal's on Wheel's" for my mom and s-dad. I've also called the Office of Aging, and need to speak with someone there next week about services that might be available for my mom and s-dad. They're to the point where they REALLY cannot take care of the house, cleaning, cooking, getting groceries, laundry, etc... I've been doing these things but my own body is rebelling right now. I pray hard for help to come. I know that God is good and He has a Plan. I need to try and strengthen my faith. I used to have such a strong faith... I think we all just get worn out...
Bless you all and thank you for replying to my post for strength and hope.
Kathy K.
Guilty? We all are NOT in a competition about who has it better, who has it worse.......that does NOT matter........what matters is that YOU are in pain & WE are here to give you a leg up, if we can........the rest is up to you.
..Yes, give support to others that need support or a hug.......I also feel for them, however, these are two different situations..........what's the old adage? "You can't help others til you help yourself".........HOW TRUE!!!
WHAT would happen IF something happened to YOU?!!! You should not feel "guilty", you should feel BLESSED & be thanked(if only by God, that's ok), to be able to be there for your parents!!!
Your parents will NOT have you to DEPEND on, UNLESS you take care of yourself!!! YOUR happiness, psyche, emotional stability is just a much apart of this, as is your physically being there!!! God bless you for your strength for BEING YOU!!!
............HUGS!!!.............
Trying to keep the Faith,
Kathy K.
I think one thing is that you are a nurse, and nurses like to keep things tightly under control... which is not a bad thing unless it is becoming an obsession. I am glad you are seeking God and praying in this. He will reward you, whether or not you "feel" like it right now or not. You are honoring your parents, and it won't go un-noticed by Him. He will give you the strength you need for the task at hand---He already has! I would tell you this: get out when you can, even if you just go to the local library, the grocery store (stay a little longer and walk around to relieve stress), a mall---anywhere that there are people and strangers, so that you can see the world goes on. You do need a physical friend to confide in, to go out to lunch with, to cry with. That you are missing and that you need. We here can only do so much. Find the humor in everything and in the situation. I don't mean to take things lightly or not be serious, but when humor occurs, take it internally. My mother in the nursing home is practically an invalid and can't walk and has Parkinson's. She is paranoid and tells me such crazy stuff that it has an element of humor to it. Also if you can, start keeping a journal... just of what is going on and what you feel and thing. Attach one of the Psalms to it. Read the Psalms. I think you are doing everything right and nothing wrong. Remain strong---you ARE stronger than you think you are. Above all try to remain persevering and refuse to let depression overtake you. Get some rest---sleep as often as possible. Ask God to intervene and to send you some relief. And right now I am going to pause and say a prayer for you.
Done! Now keep that assurance of what you just said above: God has a plan. Indeed He does. You are doing His will, Kathy. Keep the faith! God bless. Debrah Ann