I recently bumped into an old friend i hadnt seen in years. She gave me her email address so i sent her an email and told her that my life wasnt so good explained how dad died before xmas and mum has dementia.
She said she was sorry to here my life wasnt great and said to "get out there and live your life". I am so hurt as i thought this was insensitive her life is great travelling around with her new man she told me to stop wasting my life?
I am very down now and just cant believe she said this do you think she was insensitive knowing that i have no life with mum being so ill?
Why do some people think you can just walk away and get on with your life? Her dad died last year from cancer she spent a month with him? im just so fed up of peoples comments on how i should just walk away how the hell can i?
Can i just go to bed now without thinking about that turkey in the fridge on a sandwich with coleslaw!
Noooooooooo got to bed ya fat cow!
Sorry dosnt compute? I will not be here caregiving for long and you are right some people spend too much time at this because they want to or have to theres never a clear solution. I am not in a position to leave my mum and discuss a NH right now and even if i had the money to get out and get a life my mum is not ready for a NH now and the last thing i want is to force her into one against her will so like my friend youve come across a bit insensitive and almost ignorant so whats the deal? why are you on a site for caregiver support when youre only advice is "get out and get a life"?
youre still not masking your annoyance very well . i understand fully . the female friend i mentioned earlier is of the " blurt and slam " mentality . blurt out poorly thought crap then slam her ears shut so she cant be swayed to think differently . i shant make an enemy of her for life but she knows the smart mouth will not work with me . mizz popularity , prom / fair queen , bla ..
i call her mizz " no fire - wood " .
Watch this space by the time the caring falls on her shell be looking for my support and ill say oh dont waste your life put her ina home and "run for the hills".
I hope that answers your analysis of me as you are so wrong i dont have a resentful bone in my body and my friend is not married and dosnt have kids maybe if she was shed have more compassion?
Thanks for trying the "shrink thing" but id stick with your day job if i were you no offence!
see wiki ( pretentious tw*t , lol . )
the military has the most sensible term for blatant stupidity and it can land you in leavenworth prison . --failure to repair ..
wiki is agreeing with me.
For other uses, see Ignorance (disambiguation).
Ignorance is a state of being uninformed (lack of knowledge).[1] The word ignorant is an adjective describing a person in the state of being unaware and is often used as an insult to describe individuals who deliberately ignore or disregard important information or facts. Ignoramus is commonly used in the US, the UK, and Ireland as a term for someone who is willfully ignorant.
( willfully ignorant )
I have learned a lot during this caregiver game. I avoid people who I know will not listen to be bitch about my Mom. So needless to say my friend list is short and sweet!
Feeling resentful won't help you; it'll just make you bitter. No one skates blissfully through life worry-free, and then dies in bed in a fabulous mansion at age 100, next to a hottie less than half their age (well, hardly anyone.) Everyone has sorrows, some people just put up a better front than others. Would you have felt better if your friend told you she was going through a nasty divorce and her children had run away and joined a cult?
Yes, she could have phrased her email better, but the anger you express seems to be about more than the email.
Since you hadn't seen her in years, is she really all that important to you? Losing a parent is hard and you're emotionally vulnerable right now. Try and be kind to youself and don't feed into the "it's not fair" mind-set. Thinking that way will only make you feel worse.
Kazzaa an old colleague of mine had a girlfriend who claimed to be from a working class family on the grounds that her parents hadn't had their chaise longue re-upholstered in more than ten years. Beat that for a hardship, eh? Some people seriously don't know they're born.
This friend was always a sly one "everythings always wonderful" family "wonderful" life "wonderful" yeh maybe youre right she couldve been sleeping with her brother for all we know!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HUGS its great when a fellow catholic knows the BS we had to endure!
When my mum KICKED my dad out as he was having an affair my dad sent the "Priest" up to my mum to talk to her about the "sanctity of marriage" (i think i spelt that right oh god i hope so or im going to hell) my mum told him to F..k off!!
i love it . screw reasoning , i cant deal with ignorance . root word -- " ignore " .
implying " not stupid , just ignoring details / playing stupid " .
id like to have my renters gals thoughts tonight on playing stupid and crapping on people around her -- from her jail cell ..
power play -- she lost ..
You said your catholic and so am I. Catholic church case in point!!
You're a good person and you obviously don't need her in your life..Good riddance to her.
Phew feel better i will have a great life when this is over we all will as we are caring compassionate people and the good you do comes back to you tenfold!!!!
It is very hard to care for someone who doesn't believe in compassion. From their point of view, the caregiver is a sucker and a weakling and they often treat the caregiver badly as they have no respect for the way they think, a way which is alien and incomprehensible to them. They may well feel closer to the non-caring offspring as they understand them and they would have not cared for an elderly parent themselves.
It is surprising to an empathetic person that someone would walk away from a parent with dementia but it is quite common. When my mother's friend died of cancer, she took good care to be nowhere near her in the last months.
I can enjoy the company of non-empathetic people on a superficial level but I know now that such relationships have a limited emotional range.
Or, since she's an old friend you haven't seen in years, you can just let it go.
(I don't mean that in a way to make you feel bad; it just may be best for you.)
Sharon
joes sh*t is going to rust in place before i work on it again .
it must be getting pretty crowded in the spambox by now . looking around , all i see left is me and the miniature mule .
man the rest of this paragraph writes itself..
na , i disagree a bit . i implied to a female friend many months ago that id like help during my moms end of life . she was too immature to get involved . pissed me off royally . dropped in on her with aunt edna ( to see former friends stonework ) , asked for nothing from her and thats what im getting . this hor is 9 yrs older than myself and not even smart enough to see how shes going to need caregiving from someone in only a few years , herself .
really , i dont need the stress of raising a 63 yr old kid . " friend " is back in the spambox ..
So your friend probably sat there chewing her lip for ages and wondering what she should say. Then, maybe for fear that she'd never think of anything, she launched in there trying to cheer you up. As Pam S says, a pretty feeble attempt, indeed. But the LAST thing she meant was to hurt you, or be insensitive. Basically she's a klutz.
What's sadder is that given her shiny exciting new life-and-boyfriend, you probably don't have very much in common just for now. But if you value her as a friend, and you plan to keep her as one for years to come, tell her what life is like for you (don't depress her, just tell her) and demand helpful things of her. Email her back and say hey you, never mind the lectures - I'm hurt, I need treats. Send chocolate now.
And when some sh*t hits her fan, as it surely will one day, you can be there for her too. She gets the better bargain because you will understand her, but that's life - we have to learn as we go along.
Big hug. I have to compose a reply to a friend who wants to know what I'm doing at the beginning of August. Hm, let me think… emptying commodes, counting out pills, carrying trays, doing laundry, driving to the doctor, wild night out at a rock festival (just kidding)…
I wonder if he'll want to join in?