I recently bumped into an old friend i hadnt seen in years. She gave me her email address so i sent her an email and told her that my life wasnt so good explained how dad died before xmas and mum has dementia.
She said she was sorry to here my life wasnt great and said to "get out there and live your life". I am so hurt as i thought this was insensitive her life is great travelling around with her new man she told me to stop wasting my life?
I am very down now and just cant believe she said this do you think she was insensitive knowing that i have no life with mum being so ill?
Why do some people think you can just walk away and get on with your life? Her dad died last year from cancer she spent a month with him? im just so fed up of peoples comments on how i should just walk away how the hell can i?
I would thank her for the encouraging words and in the future don't give lots of details...just say she is fine. Come here to talk the real issues.
I work with a woman whose mother has lived with her and her husband for 20 years. She has CHF but is stable and independent. Her mother contracted H1N1 last Dec. was hospitalized for several days w/pneumonia. During this time her mother became confused and did not recognize her daughter. Another co-worker told her she was sorry her mother was so sick...imagine how Sharyn feels...her mother does not know her every day. She meant well but I know it had to be hurtful to the other woman.
For instance, if your boss sent you an email that read, 'The meeting's at 10. Be sure to be on time.'" Your brain would likely interpret it as a stern warning or a rebuke about having been late in the past, when really the message is neutral.
Your friend probably meant to be encouraging, but she didn"t express herself well.
Some folks just don't understand or know how to stop once they say, "I'm sorry"; that is when they get into trouble and cause ill feelings. Some times those two little words are all that is needed!
My advice to you is to let it wash over you and off you like water off a duck's back. Shake it off and go back to your normal routine. You know that you are doing what is right for you and right for your mother - that's all that matters. Your friend was not intentionally trying to hurt you with her words - so don't let it bother you. Blow it off and move on.
Yeh some people have no idea my dad died of a massive heart attack suddenly and a friend said well he was 80? asshole.
I havnt responded to her yet as like you afraid ill lose it! ive decided to just stay away from people until im in a better place myself i am not jealous but angry that everyone seems to be having a life and i feel like im dying slowly everyday.
I just wish i had something to look forward to sorry but am very down today seems i never get a break!
Hugs Blannie and try and enjoy the time you have left with her i know this is hard i wonder how long more i can last doing this?
Some people just have no experience with this. Your friend sounds like she has a very short-term caregiving experience with a predictable timeline, where your situation with your mom is much longer-term and a less predictable timeline. My friend hasn't had a parent that she was responsible for at the end of life.
So I think a lot of the "insensitivity" is just a lack of understanding. But it hurts deeply nonetheless. I didn't respond to my friend right away because I would have written something awful. The next day I could put it in context. She supports me in other ways, so she just has the blind spot. That's why I spend so much time here, as other caregivers get it.