Next year I want to read that all caregivers who have crazy families do the same!
Who is ready to make the pledge not to put yourself through the agony of repeating the insanity of hosting a miserable holiday meal?
I want to see LOTS of responses!
HUGS to everyone who is boxed in this year. Make a change for next year and the next and the next and all the years that follow. It is so liberating!
I don’t like this. It’s one more thing I have to accept about getting older. I want my small family around me.
But last year after my father moved in with us there were no invitations. Even though he was still mobile with a walker then. So it was just me, my husband and father sharing an nice meal.
This year he is in the NH so we will spend time with him then go home and have our small scale holiday meal again. Which is just fine with us. No long commute, no awkward conversation with people we don't really connect with and we get to fix our favorite dishes.
So I say enjoy the day off (if you have it), relax if you can and don't feel any pressure or guilt about not wanting to host or attend a holiday dinner.
1) We stopped going out of town for Christmas. My parents are a six hour round trip away - tiny town. Really can't stay over - lack of space and lack of hotel options. So we would drive up 3 hours - see dad and stepmom & then mom - both sets upset we didn't stay longer, would argue that we didn't need to see the other parent, etc - big tug of war. Then three hour drive home. Often in snow. Our little son not enjoying Christmas. No feeling of joy.
So - we visit before or after Christmas - not on the day. We spend Christmas at home - we attend Mass, enjoy a great dinner - spend our time on it, play board games, read, watch movies, go for walks. Enjoy each other. Our son is now 11 and he loves Christmas this way - so much less stressful.
2) we stopped hosting Thanksgiving - too many unhappy guests - gluten free, sugar free, dairy free, organic only, etc - guest who are upset that the meal is not catered to their food-fad du jour. Then BIL upset - who doesn't cook or bring anything - but expects us to box up the REST of the left overs for him. no... we bought everything..... then my sister is upset because we upset him. Parents upset because we choose our own recipes and do not make the family recipe from ages past. Not to mention the passive -aggressive comments from family members over areas we had to set boundaries years ago.
Now - we rent a cabin at Lake Superior, we all make a great Thanksgiving dinner together, and then spend time hiking, board games, and enjoying the day together.
My husband and I were in counseling years ago each to deal with manipulative overbearing parents in order to learn to set boundaries. Our tolerance for putting up with bull-chit is very low and we have no qualms about seeing family but NOT at the holidays.
No. We are not popular. But we are happier.
Even if there is a touch of guilt involved (and we shouldn’t even have guilt) it will subside, then go away. It’s a matter of reconditioning our mind. I think my husband has said it all so well, “We have done more than our share.”
2 days before Thanksgiving and I’m getting sick! I’ve got a lower back ache, feel cruddy and have a tickle in my throat & a mild cough. So I knew a cold is coming on :(
i need to get dressed and go grocery shopping-trying to avoid the crowds AND the empty shelves! But i’m Aches and feel like crap. This is just great! I popped some vitamin C and will get some elderberry syrup at the store.....
and I am already thinking about next year and whether or not I want to go through the trouble of hosting! I was so happy to stay home & cook this year that I didn’t think it through. Being on my feet in the kitchen all day after cleaning for 2 days is exhausting and now I’m going to be sick too? I kind of wish crazy relatives and in-law drama was all I had to deal with LOL! I just cannot believe I’m getting sick 2 days before thanksgiving! If I can’t ward it off until Friday I am seriously considering cancelling on everyone. And my gut is telling me this is the last year we host....
What a sweet hubby!
You’ve got a sweet deal! Wow, a daughter who is a chef is very nice to have in the family.
-- out at the forestry -- today told me " they " were kind of offended that i didnt eat lunch with everyone today .
wtf ?
i sat and socialized with everyone and had coffee instead .
i dont eat breakfast or lunch and the occasion doesnt change a thing .
what i find comical is i think hes the weirdest fellow ive ever met yet hes accusing ME of being weird .
you just cant make this sht up . tomorrow is thanksgiving and my birthday both . to celebrate im going to the forestry to get a load or two of firewood from a great looking hickory tree that blew across the road today . YAY for me . :)>
I'm glad to be working, frankly, so the festivities will be short and sweet. Or hopefully sweet. SO much importance and emphasis is put on ONE HOLIDAY day that it's ridiculous after a while.
aint nothing happy till my sons killers go to prison but the anticipation is keeping me somewhat sane .
Happy Birthday to you.
Happy Birthday, dear Captain.
Happy Birthday to you! 🍺 🎉🎁🎈🎂🍦
You’re going to get your birthday wishes one day. Waiting is hard.
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone:)