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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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Barbara, do you have options for an in-home caregiver once or twice a week? They aren't cheap - we were paying $25 an hour, but to get a four hour stretch to yourself if you/you're Mom can afford it might be worth it to you.
Also, is your Mom mobile? Can you get out and about with her? I take my Mom almost everywhere because she is mobile. She gets fidgety, but I will still have a lunch out with friends, or go to a movie, or take her to community concerts/plays/kids theatre, just to get new experiences and interact with new people. Are there dementia cafe's in your area? That's a great way to meet other people who are doing what we do, and your Mom might even make a connection with another dementia person, leading to potential "trades" of hanging with each other's dementia LO while the other one gets a break. I will also have Mom's friends over for a family dinner. She's more comfortable in her home, and they provide us both with company, even if she wanders around the majority of the time! My friends with smaller kids, I have them out for bbqs sometimes. Kids capering about the yard make Mom smile, and then I can kick back and have a beer and some time with my peeps.
I totally agree with everyone who recommended placing your Mom in memory care. I'm just trying to give you suggestions if you don't take that route of how to get more interaction for you both, and keep yourself grounded. All the above doesn't always work for me, but it sure helps with care giver isolation!
Barbara1970 and Polarbear: I can relate. Your stories are like mine as well. I feel like I am breaking down mentally, not physically. I’m seriously considering putting her in a small, (20 residents) private pay facility. And I’m feeling guilty about that! Hugs to you both.
I’ve been the 24/7 caretaker of my father for 4 years now. I quit a high paying job to do this as I felt in my heart and being prodded by God that I had to do this. I have siblings and have taken him to their houses every year for trips. Recently those with POA’s decide now they need to step in and take over. What money they want to give me for 24/7 care is minimal in my mind after giving up my job. One sibling even told me it was my choice to do that when I tried to explain the sacrifices I’ve made to care for him while the rest are living carefree. I’ve given up not only a job but time with my spouse and children and grandchildren. I don’t get to Church anymore or get to hang out with friends. I can’t jumo in the car to drive 4 hours to see my newest grandbaby. I had a daughter in law passed away suddenly from an epileptic seizure that was just weeks of giving birth. We lost the baby as well. My son and his 20 month moved into our home. I need to have minor hernia surgery and I feel like the siblings don’t care. Not one has ever asked hey can we take Dad for awhile. Why do I need to be the one to ask for help.? It’s obvious I have a ton on my plate. My husband had to retire early at 56 because his body can’t do electrical work any more. His back is shot and needs double hip replacement. Then they make me feel guilty when I say I’m done it’s your turn now because I’m so upset with them for not helping. My dad chose to be with me but why should I have to carry the burden alone and my family life suffer while they can take off anytime they want to do what they want. Sorry for the long vent but I’ve been crying for two days feeling horrible for wanting my dad to spend a little time with them. Thanks for a listening ear!!!
I am very very thankful to have found this place I don't feel so alone knowing y'all are going threw the same thing also makes me feel not so crazy myself. I feel like I'm losing my mind sometimes.
Pollarbear my mother follows me all over the house to an when I take a shower I feel like she's in there with me an I have to hurry its very hard to relax an stairs at me a lot with her mouth wide open in a daze like an its kinda creepy an sad at the same time.
Respite, respite, respite. My sister and I share 24/7 care of Mom, but we also access respite whenever we can. We've got several adult daycares in our area, one ran by the county, various levels of affordability. She mainly goes to an inter-generational day care, so little kids and old kids mixing throughout the day!
Seriously, any sort of relief you can find to get away and refreshed even for a few hours, take it, act on it, do it. We'd be lost without the help.
It is exhausting. Like you my mother still can bath and she can make some things to eat. However, her telling me the same thing over & over, and moving things on me all the time, or breaking something and saying she didn't do it (I know she did because she is the only one in the house at the time) and it could be something with no importance but she is always lying which just gets to me (the lying). She will take my things or move things around on me. It is somedays just to much and mean while I am trying to figure out what to do with my life. I think a lot of my problem is that I feel that my life is passing me by. Maybe I should try finishing my book! I also feel like the walls are closing in on me. But this place has helped me a lot. I hope you find some confort here as I have.
It is exhausting! I just found this forum. I feel like I just exist. No real path. Just here helping my Mother with Dementia, listening to her stories etc. I like the stories. I do not like how I feel about "Me" right now. I caught myself talking to myself and I asked myself, "Who am I"? you can lose your own identity when caring for a parent.
Barbara1970 - I am in the same boat. My mother has Alzheimer's and lives with me. She is still able to take care of herself and doesn't require me to help her with personal tasks like bathing and dressing, etc.
But the fact that she keeps asking and telling me the same things dozens of times a day, everyday, every week and month for the last year and half really wears me down. The fact that she keeps asking me to take her out several times a day and wants to follow me everywhere I go really makes me tired of her. I can't leave her alone at home by herself. I can't go out with my kids and husband any time we want like we used to. We haven't taken a vacation for 2 years now. I feel suffocated, trapped in my own house. My kids and I are so stressed out by her.
So, I totally get where you're coming from. Many of us here understand perfectly what you're going through.
You're in good company here. Come and vent and post questions anytime you need.
Thank you! I'm so glad I found this! I have two sisters but feel so alone.i wouldn't be able to work if my wonderful husband wasn't so kind,I feel like I've made things hard on him while he trys to heal from a accident,but I don't want to try another nursing home I've tried two,an it's two scary.i just can't find myself trying that again.i will do what ever I have to.when I read Mathew 25:40 it gave me some encouragement on being her caregiver tonight.i love my mother.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Also, is your Mom mobile? Can you get out and about with her? I take my Mom almost everywhere because she is mobile. She gets fidgety, but I will still have a lunch out with friends, or go to a movie, or take her to community concerts/plays/kids theatre, just to get new experiences and interact with new people. Are there dementia cafe's in your area? That's a great way to meet other people who are doing what we do, and your Mom might even make a connection with another dementia person, leading to potential "trades" of hanging with each other's dementia LO while the other one gets a break. I will also have Mom's friends over for a family dinner. She's more comfortable in her home, and they provide us both with company, even if she wanders around the majority of the time! My friends with smaller kids, I have them out for bbqs sometimes. Kids capering about the yard make Mom smile, and then I can kick back and have a beer and some time with my peeps.
I totally agree with everyone who recommended placing your Mom in memory care. I'm just trying to give you suggestions if you don't take that route of how to get more interaction for you both, and keep yourself grounded. All the above doesn't always work for me, but it sure helps with care giver isolation!
Small-ish board-and-care homes like the one you describe are often an excellent solution. Move forward with confidence.
The peace you need will not magically happen. You need to make it happen.
And - this is important - care that’s not provided by you is still care! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. ((((big hugs))))
Seriously, any sort of relief you can find to get away and refreshed even for a few hours, take it, act on it, do it. We'd be lost without the help.
I also feel like the walls are closing in on me.
But this place has helped me a lot.
I hope you find some confort here as I have.
But the fact that she keeps asking and telling me the same things dozens of times a day, everyday, every week and month for the last year and half really wears me down. The fact that she keeps asking me to take her out several times a day and wants to follow me everywhere I go really makes me tired of her. I can't leave her alone at home by herself. I can't go out with my kids and husband any time we want like we used to. We haven't taken a vacation for 2 years now. I feel suffocated, trapped in my own house. My kids and I are so stressed out by her.
So, I totally get where you're coming from. Many of us here understand perfectly what you're going through.
You're in good company here. Come and vent and post questions anytime you need.