hi all...thanks in advance for reading, and any replies...My mother lives out of state, on her own, by her own choice...She has always required an enormous amount of attention, even when I was a child. She divorced my father when I was very young...and married a multitude of jerks in the years that followed...some were jerks, and one in particular, abused me...
Whenever she felt stressed, she would threaten to leave us...she was always stressed, yelling, and made our childhood anything but peaceful. Through it all, I have tried my best to be respectful, and dutiful....but I have to admit, it really is only obligation that I feel.
She has had too many surgeries to mention...some of them elective, some of them necessary...but each time, whether it is a wart removal, or a knee replacement, she demands all of my sympathies and attention for it. I feel terrible for saying this, but part of me gets mad when she has a medical issue...I guess it's because it's all I remember growing up...and I'm tired of it....she was always a constant complainer, rarely happy, and always self centered....now, that I'm a mother, she expects me to put her FIRST, before my own son (who is 17 years old, and severely autistic)...She has never once come to assist me with my son...or come for a visit, yet she complains that she's alone (in Arizona), and that she has to rely on strangers for her upcoming surgery...I offered to arrange care for my son to come for a week, then she gets passive aggressive, and says, "no, I'll get a stranger to help me"..
My brother does live in the area, but he works full time, and cannot be at her beck and call...I have so much resentment towards her, and I wish I didn't....I wish I could feel sympathy for her, but I just can't....what I do feel is horrible guilt for not feeling sympathy...
Even when there is nothing wrong, she will search and search for a doctor that will tell her something is wrong...and expect me to drop whatever it is I'm doing, and baby her....I'm sick of it...thanks for the rant
Sounds like your Mom is exhausting, and you need to find a way to say "no" without feeling any guilt. Her running to doctor to doctor is her decision, not yours. Ask your brother how does he deal with Mom and learn from him.
It took me years before I had set boundaries with my elderly parents, and how I wished I knew about Aging Care website, those boundaries would have been set on day one.