I Don't Think So
I've posted about this before, but I am at my wits end with my grandmother. She keeps calling about having me getting her an internet router for her house and a Kindle Fire. At least 4 times a week she will call asking me if I ordered that stuff yet and says she has $100 to pay for it. The problem is, she wants the Fire 10 which is over $200, but routers are fairly inexpensive. Then she proceeds to let me know that she fully intends to take advantage of my Amazon Prime. I know there is a way to set that up so she can use my Prime, but she wants free reign to my Amazon account. I don't think so, I will not let her have free access to the credit card I have on there and the $70 in gift cards I have on my account. I am more than angry and said flat out that she has more than enough money to pay for the Kindle and router and it is time to get one on her own. I think that they sell Kindles at Costco and routers, but that involves taking a shower and putting on clean clothes. I'm angry that she refuses to do anything for herself and acts like she is oh so helpless. I know I can order what she wants and set it up and not have access to my stuff, but not willing to create a massive argument with her.
Who is taking care of her finances and needs? I'd have them handle it. If that is you, then, I'd handle it and use her funds for her her needs, if you have the authority. Is there some reason you have an issue doing this?
Sometimes, seniors with cognitive decline forget that they already called and asked, that's why they repeatedly do it. I would caution with her internet availability. Sometimes seniors are vulnerable to exploitation and give away all kinds of information on-line that could cause them harm.
Do you think she really understands how cheeky she is being? Does she get what these things really cost, and how the accounts actually work?
Is someone overseeing how she's functioning and handling her finances? I wonder if it's going as well as you might think. Sometimes, people put up a good front, but, when you really look into the fridge, the laundry basket, the bills, etc., they have gone to pot.
It's not likely, based on what you have said, that she'll just tell someone that she can't handle her affairs and needs help, plus, she refuses to appoint POA. It's sad. A crisis may be in store.
Still, there's no need to tolerate her unrealistic demands. My LO used to demand that I bring her 10 cans of cat food a day, even though she already had 50 cans in the cupboard. No matter how many times, I explained that to her, she could not process it. Fairness, equity, value, etc. aren't something I would expect to just appear in her reasoning. I'd try to not let it bother me, but, I would try to keep watch for her welfare. With her showing such behavior, I would discourage internet usage. It can be risky.
You are right. As much as we want to do what our parents and grandparents want, sometimes its not safe or reasonable. And we must remain firm with them. I know you've done a lot for her and love her very much. But sometimes the frustrations do build. Try to take a step back. Maybe try to have another family member or friend or social worker, someone else explain it to her.
She must pay for things. This is the way of the world. We each pay our own way. Do you know why she believes herself exempt from this universal rule? :)
"Grandma, I can't possibly do that".
"Grandma, you cannot possibly afford it".
If she's managing all right with the support that *you* are happy to provide, that's fine. If she stops managing, or the support gets to a level that you and your parents are not all right with, then there's a problem. How much help it is realistic and fair to offer her: that's the discussion you should have with your parents now, so that when a line has to be drawn you can all stick together and stand firm on it.
And research other options so that you've got a head start if she does need to move (your parents should probably handle that one).
I might consult with an attorney to get information on the process if you have to step in despite her objection. They can tell you what evidence you'll need, the process, the costs, time involved, etc. At least, you'll be prepared, if the time comes.
Do you need to go with your parents each week ? It is a good thing that your heart is in the right place, however, double check that you are not suffering from a sense of over-responsibility for your grandma. Let your parents handle it? Sorry, I don't know you very well, but when I read of your condition, I realized that you don't need this added stress to your life.