And not her caregiver, financial planner, cook, taxi, shopper, etc. While we have caregivers that come in and take care of her while I am work, I have "lost" my role as JUST her daughter. I have noticed that our relationship has changed in so many ways, and I don't like it. Yes, I could put her in a nursing home, but that would only be for MY benefit, not hers. I hope to keep her at home as long as I can. She has had PD for 21 years, and has been wheelchair bound for about 8 years. When she is doing well we go shopping and have fun, go out to eat, etc. but those days are fewer and fewer as she has lost her strength and desire to shop. Even if she went into a nursing home, I am her POA so I would still be responsible for the bills, etc. I am so happy to have found this place where we can vent and give each other support and hugs. God Bless each and every one of you who are taking care of loved ones. Some of you have been at this for much much longer than I have and I don't know how you do it!
I pray for each and every one of you.
And you can be her welcome visiting daughter to show off to the crowd.
I understand you wanting to be her daughter again as opposed to her manager. I felt the same way about my dad. He got to a point where he couldn't make decisions for himself anymore and the burden of the responsibility of making decisions for him was huge.
And people think that if they put their loved one in a nursing home they're just abandoning their loved one. Ha! Having my dad in a nursing home was a full-time job between the visits and the meetings with the staff and tending to his finances....The caregiving didn't stop, it just got different.
I know you want your mom back the way it used to be, the way it should be now. I'm sorry you have to go through this but I'm glad you found this site.
I wanted to be a wife again, with an equal partner.
The most poignant thing another caregiver reported in a meeting was her mother giving a long sigh and saying, "I miss me!"
Chronic illness, especially cognitive decline, robs us all of a part of our "me" and robs our loved ones, too.
My mom, 94, dementia, unhealed hip fracture, 2-person transfer, is now in a nursing home. My sisters and a brother and I visit her often. There are still caregiving tasks, of course, and dear Mother is never going to be her old self, but she is content. She is well taken-care of. We enjoy visiting her. We work at helping her enjoy what time she has left.
Mother lived with one of my sisters for about a year. It was a very good situation. But I really sense that Mother is more content now that she is not a "burden" to her children. We never considered her a burden. We reminded her that she paid my sister rent and wasn't getting a free ride. But she seems to like the idea that the people who take her to the bathroom and cook her food and help her dress are paid to do it, and her children come willingly just to spend time with her, not because she "needs" something. I don't know that I would have predicted this, but it is consistent with her personality.