I am venting...again! I might give in to 24 hr care.

Well, I just posted yesterday I need more time with my kids and dad and look for a job. But my grandpa all night last night and this morning kept sarcastically saying" Oh Ill see you whenever, tomorrow for a few minutes" And your down here 20 minutes and leave and go back there.( Home or errands) "I never see you anymore" Do what you did before and just not be here" "I know, you ALWAYS have "running" to do or something to do at the other place" Im ok alone all the time been that way for years. No difference....ARGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

For years, after he went blind we offered to take turns spending nights to help him and always helped on and off during the day. He always said no to nights. One day we got into a huge fight and he told me never to go in his house or speak with him again.. a year later, somehow, we talked again and I cared for him once again. ( years ago this happened- my dad/morning caretaker and neighbors took care of him then)

Anyways, fast forward to one of his caretakers quitting and he TOLD me I was to take over mornings. Well knowing I had kids, and looking for a job, I told him it would be early to fix his breakfast and pills, and cleaning I will continue during the day. He demanded it be as they left for school or right after they got there but at that time ( 8am) I had to look for a job and be back at his house by 10:30am to start lunch to have ready by 11am so I wouldn't be able to basically leave. He ended up with a virus of sorts and went to the E.R. So the first week a little more my dad stayed and thereafter it was me permanently( we were suppose to take turns) because they fought and my dad was to ill and couldn't lift him. For a while I was there 18- 20 hours a day... never mind I had kids... I slowly quit that over time and am back to why I asked about help/idea/ common sense I don't seem to have about a schedule to care for everyone.

I asked him what are you going to do when Im working all day and not here? It will be the same .. well actually worse cause I wont be here for lunch and depending when I get of work .. hours will change. He said" Whats the difference and no hes not hiring anyone" arggh again!!!!! Also, my kids start school again soon and my dad cant handle getting both of them going ( they both are extremely hard to get going ) and my grandfather is mad Im leaving for a few to take care of the dogs at 5am, try to wake my kids up ( remember mainly daughter stays with my dad at my home where Im suppose to be! ) be back by 5:30am to care for grandpa, clean cook and leave again by 6:20 ish to have breakfast ready and the kids eat in 15 minutes because we have to leave for school by 6:45am ( one school is across town) and my grandpa is blowing! He says come back after, I cant! I have to look for a job, Im going back to school( want to) !! What if I get hired at night to start with? Im desperate for a job, my kids can stay with my dad or in an emergency their Godmother...but here we go with my Aunt saying I HAVE TO stay with grandpa! If thats the time I get,I need to or Im going to be homeless!

Whats the deal with the house we live in you ask? Even if I pay, my Aunt is making it impossible for us to live here with her rules to follow after he dies. The house was supposed to be willed to me but with her "in care of and under her rules "she made and my grandfather claims he doesn't remember signing that part of the rules!!! Basically no matter what happens she will end up with the house!!! I am not trying to be greedy but I have gave up so much of my life to help him( house or no house I love grandpa and my family) and jump through hoops to have a place for my kids and dad. Grandfather offered house to me, I was shocked and accepted, all these years have been hoops and now its insane.

Sorry soooo long.. I understand if no one reads this I just had to vent before my grandfather and I argued again!!!