Today's just a rotten day. Abusive ex left me again (fine by me), I worry all the time about money (how can you get a job when mom needs you daily for hours for social time and companionship), etc. Mom moved here at my suggestion across the street in 2010. I've had it. She has gone downhill, is not the mom I remember. She is selfish, a closet narcissist (well I kinda remember that part), she's got clinical dementia now, she is HOARDING.... and I garage sale on weekends to buy and sell for the SOLE PURPOSE of paying my household bills and I JUST cut it doing that.... and of course she's alone in the world which she reminds me of DAILY except for me, so she comes and LIGHT UP buying crap she doesn't need so I guess I am enabling.
Today, I went over there to say hey let's get maybe 10 of your 3,000 knick knacks on board for the garage sale I want to have. She fought me, argued, said it's "all she has left" I said that's on YOU, mom. Everyone has problems, everyone is lonely but you refuse to make friends.
She said she doesn't WANT STRANGERS and THREATENED to sell the house and move again. I am DPOA over everything but what good is that when they threaten to sell.
I'm so sick of it I half wish she would sell and go. She's got about 400 silk flowers in there, 150 stuffed animals, and 300 candleholders. It's awful. Great stuff but it's AWFUL. She said, "It's MY house, I am here alone, and get out if you don't like it...."
I know you guys have told me she really CAN sell without a guardian, but dammit with a dementia diagnosis (she's on Namenda) can she REALLY? Tell you what, I am not making a damn phone call to a realtor. I'm so SICK of all of this. Then the GUILT card being played. I should feel guilty. No way. I don't. I'm over all of this.
Just a vent.
You sound like my sister. Where the heck is she going to go? She would find it difficult to sell a house, in the condition that you describe. Please let her go. My 69 yo sister died, doing just what you are doing. She had a massive blood clot, hit her lunges.
We tried and tried to get her to quit waiting hand and foot on Mother. It was mom's house and at 93, she was going to do what she was going to do. I tried to tell my sister "answer the phone once a day and then, say "I will talk to you, tomorrow." But, no, Mother kept her on a short leash. She wasn't allowed friends, barely got to church and couldn't date. I said "Quit telling Mother stuff." But, I don't know, maybe she wanted punished for something.
Anyone can get out and put boundaries in place. Go somewhere for the weekend, just don't do something that you don't want to do. Your mom can't call you at work, if you don't give her the number. If you have to tell her "I am working in sales, " do it. Just don't tell her where.
Good luck. My mother is healthy and happy at the nursing home and we just had a nice 95th BD party for her. She tried the controlling stuff on me, the week I was there, though.
Mom is not a grown woman. She was "never" a grown woman. Ever. Dad met her when she was 16 and he always took care of her, like a child.
I bought her a Boston Market chicken pot pie tonight. It was too big for just her plus you know it comes with cornbread) so I brought over an hour or two ago, left it on the stove, said I'll be back around 7-7:30 we'll heat it up and eat together. Well guess what. IT HAS DISAPPEARED. She said I never brought it. I'm getting panic attacks of course I brought it. I left it on the d*mn stove. I checked the whole house (looking through flower arrangements and candles, of course) and could not find the cardboard box with the chicken pot pie in it. She says she never saw it and she thinks someone is in the house with her. omg i'm losing my mind. I tried to keep calm and exhale, and told her, ok, I am going home to look. I will let you know if I find it. I'm home now breathing. OF COURSE I DID NOT FIND IT IT IS AT HER HOUSE - scary she doesn't remember seeing it, nor moving it. I think this is all too much. And she says I am "blaming" her for losing dinner so of course I'm the bad guy.
I am no pro. I'm not in your position (yet), but I know it's coming. My mom lives directly behind me. She's mean, and she is a hoarder. My dad is still alive, too, and they are still together.
After reading your original post, I have decided I will not let my mother control me, which will be EXTREMELY difficult because I am an only child. But I can literally feel your pain and frustration right through my computer screen. All I can suggest for you is to do what others have suggested: let her go. Maybe not 100%, but 98%. Take one phone call a day. Don't answer the others. Get a job and tell her you are working and cannot speak on the phone or you'll lose your job. Take her a couple of meals a week and enough groceries so she can fend for herself. Let her sell the house. She's just blowing steam, like my mom does. Let her hoard. You can't stop her anyway, like I can't stop my mom. Just, ...let her. When she threatens, say, "ok". Call her bluff. And if she actually does sell the house, well, I hate to say it, but good riddance. (You and I both know she won't.)
You are absolutely going to go looney if you don't draw and show her your boundaries.
So, please, take a deep breath, get a grip on your emotions. and take care of yourself.
Sharon
Just worries me she and I looked for it for an hour last night and she had no idea where it was, and she put it there!