Mother's bday I didn't have anything formerly planned since it's hard to predict how she will be each day. She doesn't want to celebrate another birthday and I don't as well. I just wanted to have lunch with her out if possible away from the daily grind of each day the past year and a half.
We haven't always gotten along but in this recent year with her decline, her guard has come down and she's become more human in her vulnerability. Maybe me too. All is forgiven it seems at times or maybe just forgotten. She was evaluated for hospice last month but since she has stabilized and it seems she may evaluate out to palliative care. Although I have spent a lot of time in the caretaking role, spending a special occasion with her would be nice. It may be her last bday. My only sister passed away five years ago, and since then I've been alone pretty much and I am tired of fulfilling family functions right now to others. Truthfully, I haven't felt supported and I don't want the pretense of gatherings which only further tire me out. I've invited no one and notified family members that might have expected a gathering they can come another time.
So, if this is what you can give energy wise, then do what is right for you.
I’m sorry about your sister. I imagine that was rough and maybe it has contributed to you feeling alone. This caregiving journey sucks especially when the relationships weren’t great before, so no wonder you are tired. I am too and I have a ways to go.
Listen, this won’t last forever and you will get your life back. After some healing get back in the social circle and find your tribe. This might sound morbid but I also sometimes think about how life will shift again when this is over and I look forward to that part. Hope I can still function.
I hope you enjoy the simple birthday plans. That’s the way to go imo. I’ll be doing similar here next month.
I'm tired myself. I hope tomorrow evening doesn't drain me of the 2 ounces of strength I have left for the BS she's likely to dish out. I hope your celebration turns out to be a good thing as well.
Wishing you the best, Pasa.