Follow
Share

Recently ran across an article about a counselor who says resentment issues are common among people born between abt 1965 and 1980, aka Gen X.



I really needed to read this today! Turns out I'm not alone. Anyone else experiencing resentment b/c our parent did whatever they wanted and now want us to drop everything for their care? (In my own case, not only did Mom not care for her own parents, she left my father after his diagnosis with a serious illness and dumped his care on me, an only child. Yes I need counseling, desperately)



https://www.buzzfeed.com/meganeliscomb/gen-x-resentment-tiktok

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Find Care & Housing

15 Comments

Newest
First Oldest
First
I just went through a hellish ordeal and I have come to the conclusion that it definitely helps to get the perspectives of others, particularly those who have the experience, like good councilors. But ultimately everyone needs to make decisions for themselves, be they good or bad. I say "need" because without that you're living someone else's life, not yours. Most people have it in them to make great choices and have great lives but this often gets spoiled by relying on others.

My brother is a great example. He had everything going for him but when he married a wealthy woman he "had it all" but lost his own power. Something bad happens to him, he runs to his wife for comfort in various forms. This has caused him to lose his self-reliance. He no longer has any just power. Instead he wields unjust power and then faces the just consequences. He doesn't even see it! I do, clearly.

So the GenerationX'ers or whatever who feel resentment need to understand they have the power; just use it . Then they'll see just how free they really are.
(0)
Report
Unfortunately, culture ingrains us with expectations of others. Most people can't break away from the culture in which they were raised.

Interestingly, in my family the person who most often said "We take care of our own" never hands-on took care of anyone herself. She likes to say that she took care of them, but she kept working at her wonderful job, kept going on trips with her boyfriend, and dropped by her parents' often after work to say hi. Fifteen minutes and she's gone. She did write checks for full-time care for them from their funds. But in no way did she have to make any sacrifice of her own life for them. It doesn't compare to what the rest of her family has done for their LOs.
(2)
Report
I would take a parent who did what they wanted as a real good teaching mechanism to teach me what I will do when they call out in need. It seems to me a life lesson.

To be honest, we have to know the limitations of our parents. They are/were humans either more or less flawed and we survived them thriving either more or less because of them. But we need to move on. Because those parents of ours? They grew up with a REALLY traumatized generation often enough: One that had been through the war (as much as Americans who never SAW war on their own shores ever did).

The current generation, whatever it is called, is feeling lonely and suicidal, despite being the recipients of the passing down of more generational wealth than almost any American generation. Despite parents who heliocopter within their lives trying to make sure everyone gets a trophy. Despite parents who have knocked themselves out trying to make up for every deficit they feel they suffered from their own uncaring parents. Still, they are expressing extreme trauma and unhappiness.

I just think that every generation has it's problems. We are humans. And as a species we are enormously flawed as well as enormously gifted. I think there's just all too much time ruminating on the couch. Often years.

l was just answering an OP whose mom has mental illness. Her Mom is only 64. Yet she has some therapist encouraging her after 2 years that she has never mourned the loss of her mom. Ummmmm. But Mom is very much alive. WAY alive and enmeshed in her with a circular spiral going nowhere.
So much today just is psychobabble to me.

We all have problems in our lives to one degree or another, and have, in fact, with any given decade different problems in our own lives. My problems as a divorced Mom with two kids was a lot different than my problems with my aging body today.

We can resent, or we can do our best and move forward trying to have as much joy and contentment as we can get as a living breathing human being beset with problems.

To me, if we have HEALTH we have EVERYTHING. We can take care of the rest of it somehow if we are thriving mentally and physically. Let illness sit itself down on the doorstep and we will see how fast the other problems make a move to the back porch.
(7)
Report
Hi Hellebore - yes, I totally agree with your post 100%..you are definitely not alone feeling this! I'm right there with you!

...and if you then add on it being an abusive, toxic parent(s), then you've really hit the "jackpot!"
(1)
Report
I am a boomer. I have friends that are from abuse either physically or mentally. They went on to get good jobs and raise families, their kids being born between 65 to 80. The parents both worked. I am wondering if this research covers all races and cultures.

I worked, sometimes f/t sometimes p/t. My girls don't seemed to have suffered. But then when work was done, they became a priority. I think that this article is a minority. You need to research a large number of people to see what the % would be.
(0)
Report
It's from TikTok via BuzzFeed JoAnn, about what you would expect from there 🤷🏻‍♀️
(0)
Report
So I’m Gen X. Who knew? The piece did strike a nerve. But for me, it’s bigger than just the expectation of care. It’s the general hypocrisy. While my mother expected to be able to pursue a career, I was not, as she expected me to provide her 24/7 care. While I was expected to return “home” for all vacations and holidays, I was shocked to learn she travelled every Christmas prior to my birth, because nobody was going to guilt her into giving up her time off. (I overheard her bragging about that) I was always wrong, she was always right. Show over substance. Be seen and not heard. Conform. Nobody cares what you feel: it’s about how you make it look. Sweep it under the rug if it will reflect poorly on the family/church/company/team/school, et cetera.

I just want to be genuine me, with my own interests, goals and control of my time. I’m not interested in giving up everything in order to enable someone else to live their false reality and I resent anyone telling me I should feel otherwise.
(8)
Report
I’m barely Gen X born in 65. But my older siblings are all boomers . I do have one younger sister , makes her gen x also . I know my and DH families do not represent all of the “ silent generation”, but I do see in my experience how that generation seems surprised that they got old . I wonder if it’s because that generation witnessed the beginning of leaps and bounds in medicine . They think you can cure everything and they think we have to shore up their “ independent lifestyles “ at the cost of giving up my life . They did not take care of their parents . My grandparents did not act like the elderly these days . They acknowledged they were old and the limitations , and either died without a long decline or my one grandmother did go in a nursing home . My Mom would not take care of her mother but told me I was to take care of her in her home . My in laws act the same way . I don’t understand where this came from where we are expected to enable their false independence .
Even the Walton’s used to leave grandma and grandpa home in their rocking chairs and went out without them . My father in law expects us to take him everywhere with us including vacation with his walker , wheelchair etc . ,
(1)
Report
I agree with Alva. Every generation has their share of issues.

People should decide for themselves what is best. Our parents have lived their lives and may or may not have cared for their parents.

Live your life for yourself regardless of what your parents expect from you.
(4)
Report
Alva, you sum that up perfectly. Im a 'boomer' born in 1962 but don't fit the supposed definition. Both my parents mothers died when they were very young. Mom was raised by her father and his hormonal elderly sister. Dad's father left when his mother died and the children were raised by relatives. He had a very hard, life. Being Hungarian the culture was very different than my mother. She had a strict catholic upbringing but her father was wonderful to her. I like to believe my childhood was great but sadly can't remember much. Never have been able to. Adulthood I remember every single thing about it.
(0)
Report
I was born in 1971. My parents divorced in 1976, and my experience being in the custody of an unfit mother began. She married a variety of freaks, perverts, and addicts. She went out tk the bars at night, leaving my brother (3 years older) and me alone all night. We had to wear dirty clothes to school. One day, a teacher noticed my brother brother wearing a zipped up jacket on a hot day (because he had no clothes to wear). My dad was told by a lawyer he’d never get custody. Back then, dads just didn’t get custody.
Best thing she ever did was give him custody after a few years, because we got in the way of her partying.
The only parts of parenting she was good at were the fun parts, like prom dress shopping.
The taking care of me all night when I threw up after wisdom teeth surgery? Dad. Handling my struggles in school and anxiety? Dad. Providing stable l, clean home with meals… Dad.

And now after a 10 year mutual estrangement, she shows up at my door needing all sorts of help. I’m helping her now but I’ll never move her in or become her 24 hour care. Never.
(5)
Report
Oedgar,

Two of my brothers raised their children solo. Their moms weren’t partying. They had joint custody but they chose to live with their dad for various reasons. They did see their moms often.

I don’t think custody should automatically go to the mom. It should go to the most capable parent.
(2)
Report
Spot on! Thanks for sharing. I’m taking care of my elderly sister with Alzheimer’s, (She’s 15 years older) with little or no help from her 2 Gen X kids who claim she wasn’t there emotionally for them and lived for herself. Their dad was an alcoholic and died when they were early 20’s. She was struggling with that during their formative years and probably did neglect them emotionally. She’s a bit of a narcissist spoiled by my parents. Mom met another great man and spent the next 20 years with him until his death. They claim she never paid attention to them or grandchildren so why should they be there for her now. Very sad.
(0)
Report
I think it's a mistake to make generalizations about "Boomers," the "X Generation," etc.
(3)
Report
Wow! This has been a topic of conversation around my house lately. Yes, definitely experiencing that resentment. My mom didn't work, she just sat at the kitchen table day and night, smoking 3.5 packs/day. She did not cook, clean, or buy groceries. She did do laundry. And talked on the phone all day long.
We raised ourselves. And it was a disaster. Dad worked his butt off and wasn't home, and she didn't take care of us at all.
I took care of her husband (my Daddy) through his illness and death. I considered that an honour, my Dad was awesome.
She did not do any caring for her mother, either. She was put in a home, but now she expects to be kept at home, no matter the cost to anyone else.
And now she conveniently forgets everything I have done or her over the last bunch of years. smh
(0)
Report
This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.

Recent Questions


Popular Questions


Related Questions

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter