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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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My 93-yr old Mom is the same way. She was always fearful, negative, glass-half-empty, cynical, skeptical and suspicious. She lives next door to me, has always been single and I'm her only child. She has gotten worse this past year due to the beginnings of cognitive decline.
Since she eats dinnerr with us every night I have made a rule that we don't talk politics or news from the Anger-tainment channels. If she ignores this I keep redirecting the conversation. Or, my husband will whip out his phone and show her funny things from tiktok, Insta or YouTube. I just won't tolerate it from her. Sometimes she remembers this boundary and other times not. I always defend it because she's never going to change.
My MIL is very negative. She always goes to the 'dark side' if you spend more than 15 minutes with her. She truly believes she has suffered more than anyone else who has ever lived--and I am not kidding when I say that. She really thinks it.
A few weeks ago, her kids (DH, YS and OB) had her put in Hospice care. She is actively dying now and the time to talk and try to get some kind of closure from her is not going to happen.
YS hugged me a couple weeks ago and said "All I want from mom before she dies is for her to say she had a good life and very blessed and to quit the constant negativity and blame".
It's not going to happen.
I've said this before and I'll say it again: If you cannot serve as a good example, you might be serving as a horrible warning.
I like 'venting's' comment. Just straight out call her on it.
Slight misunderstanding here of what my comment meant. What I meant is literally, OP can you say something positive to us?
I mean it seriously, because sometimes those who say a particular person is always only negative, end up themselves always only negative and incapable of saying positive things.
It really is difficult to be around someone who is continually negative. After a few minutes I want to leave. I tend to refer to this as hitting my threshold of pain!
If you live with someone who is negative it is even worse.
I am sorry that you are in this situation.
I have told people directly that I do not want to listen to the same negative thing a million times over. If they don’t stop, I walk away.
Negativity has a domino effect. Before you know it, unintentionally, you become negative yourself, rightly complaining about the other person’s negativity BUT suddenly you also aren’t able to talk about anything but that negativity.
Then the person listening to you receives that negativity, and now they have a dose of negativity, and on it goes in various forms to the next person listening…
I caregive both my parents at the same time. My father is 88 and my mother is 86. My father has several conditions like diabetes, heart condition, and prostrate problems. He can barely stand or walk because of his diabetes. My son has to carry him from point a to point b if not in the wheelchair. This is so taxing on my son because my father weighs 181 lb. We have invested in getting a patient lift hoister to help with lifting my father. My son takes care of his grandfather's hygiene and changing of diapers, as well. I am so thankful for him. My mother has progressive Lewy-Body dementia. It is impossible to have any kind of relationship with her because she lives in her own world of hallucinations, confusion, and mania. She also was a person who was negative all of my years of knowing her as her daughter. On the bright side, my mother has never mistreated me, nor has my father. They have always been good parents to me. Of course, they weren't perfect parents. Who is? They have been generous and caring. This is why I feel guilty sometimes for being short patient, angry, and not want to deal with caregiving. Being their primary caregiver has stripped me of my life and the goals that I have set out. I am very overwhelmed by my responsibilities of caring for both parents. It is so very difficult, and I'm trying not to fall into depression. But, I am so burnt out I don't have words to describe it. Does anybody have any advice to make life for me and my son a little easier?
I caregive both my parents at the same time. My father is 88 and my mother is 86. My father has several conditions like diabetes, heart condition, and prostrate problems. He can barely stand or walk because of his diabetes. My son has to carry him from point a to point b if not in the wheelchair. This is so taxing on my son because my father weighs 181 lb. We have invested in getting a patient lift hoister to help with lifting my father. My son takes care of his grandfather's hygiene and changing of diapers, as well. I am so thankful for him. My mother has progressive Lewy-Body dementia. It is impossible to have any kind of relationship with her because she lives in her own world of hallucinations, confusion, and mania. She also was a person who was negative all of my years of knowing her as her daughter. On the bright side, my mother has never mistreated me, nor has my father. They have always been good parents to me. Of course, they weren't perfect parents. Who is? They have been generous and caring. This is why I feel guilty sometimes for being short patient, angry, and not want to deal with caregiving. Being their primary caregiver has stripped me of my life and the goals that I have set out. I am very overwhelmed by my responsibilities of caring for both parents. It is so very difficult, and I'm trying not to fall into depression. But, I am so burnt out I don't have words to describe it. Does anybody have any advice to make life for me and my son a little easier?
@Vee So often the solution is money. If you had more money, you could hire caregivers. You and your kind son need a break. You shouldn’t be stripped of your lives.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Since she eats dinnerr with us every night I have made a rule that we don't talk politics or news from the Anger-tainment channels. If she ignores this I keep redirecting the conversation. Or, my husband will whip out his phone and show her funny things from tiktok, Insta or YouTube. I just won't tolerate it from her. Sometimes she remembers this boundary and other times not. I always defend it because she's never going to change.
A few weeks ago, her kids (DH, YS and OB) had her put in Hospice care. She is actively dying now and the time to talk and try to get some kind of closure from her is not going to happen.
YS hugged me a couple weeks ago and said "All I want from mom before she dies is for her to say she had a good life and very blessed and to quit the constant negativity and blame".
It's not going to happen.
I've said this before and I'll say it again: If you cannot serve as a good example, you might be serving as a horrible warning.
I like 'venting's' comment. Just straight out call her on it.
I mean it seriously, because sometimes those who say a particular person is always only negative, end up themselves always only negative and incapable of saying positive things.
If you live with someone who is negative it is even worse.
I am sorry that you are in this situation.
I have told people directly that I do not want to listen to the same negative thing a million times over. If they don’t stop, I walk away.
Care to share a bit more info on your situation?
Then the person listening to you receives that negativity, and now they have a dose of negativity, and on it goes in various forms to the next person listening…
Protect your positive self.
So often the solution is money. If you had more money, you could hire caregivers. You and your kind son need a break. You shouldn’t be stripped of your lives.