It hurts when you realize your elderly mother turns to you first for her unending needs, but the last on her list of consideration when it comes to family members. She makes so many excuses as to why she does not wish to burden them, but does not even consider or acknowledge the burden she is placing on me. I do not blame the family members, this has been a life long habit of my mother when it comes to me. I was always the good dutiful daughter of convenience when it came to her choices in life. I have basically put helping her on the back burner. It hurts so much to know I am more of a gopher to her than a daughter. Yes, I did help enable her, but not anymore. Wish the guilt, fear and obligation toward her would go away. It paralyzes me from enjoying life more than I could. I dwell on it daily and it is causing me to feel trapped in a nonexistence prison. If I only could have a mother/daughter relationship like she has had with my siblings throughhout their lives. My visits with her leave me emotionally drained, because there is no substance to our relationship, just an empty void of anger for wasting what precious time I have giving her of myself out of obligation.
If the visits drain you, don't go as often.
I think a sit down with mom and sibs is in order.. If you don't want to be treated like a pack mule, make it known to all concerned and don't act like one.
Something in me just clicked. I hung up the phone and didn't see or speak to her for a solid year. Since then, she has been far more respectful and never says things like to me. She finally accepted that I wouldn't put up with it. I was VERY VERY VERY fortunate that I had that year...my sister is at that point now but I don't think she has a year to take. My mother has an inoperable blockage in her heart and could go at any time.
I came back to my relationship with my mother in a very different place. I can see her in a new light and we have had a much better relationship. She still says stuff that drives me batty some times but I understand now that it's not really her but the dementia that is loosening her tongue. (For example, I am a 'bad person' because I won't drink the last bit of soda in a can or bottle...it's a phobia I have from when we were young and someone told me that the last bit is just backwash spit! ewww!! but I think it hardly makes me a 'bad' person! LOL!)
I don't know how sick your mom is...but taking a break may help you if you can stand it or feel you have the time. Even a month might help