I just had a complete melt down. It was brought on by a simple request of mom's that could not wait. It was get me a hot towel for my leg, and I said in a minute, let me do the dinner dishes, and then I get the look, I need it NOW! I lost it, I know I should not yell, but I went on saying I treat you like a queen, my brother does not help me, my life has changed so much, I can not work, and on and on I went. I told her I am having a melt down, and I know this is also hard for her too. I want to know if any of you have had a melt down? I actually feel better that I vented.
Lack of sleep, stress, worry - sometimes I think its a good thing for our elder to realize they are not the King or Queen of the world. Of course if they have dementia it could scare them to see us lose it - and we don't want to do that. They are scared enough already and it is imprtant they feel safe and secure in your care. With dementia you can't expect your elder to understand YOUR wants or needs. Caregiving to an elder with dementia can be a particularly hard row to hoe. Reason and rationality are off the table. Your elder is not capable, or not fully capable, of understanding much beyond their own needs. Try to remember their irrational behavior is only a manifestation of their disease. It's not meant to be mean or uncaring or cruel - though it can often seem that way.
If your parent is merely stubborn or spoiled - thats another matter altogether. This is when a talk - a long talk about YOUR situation - so they will know just what you are up against, and hopefully come to realize how many balls you have up in the air that you are trying your best not to have fall.
Lindy, it is a fine line between manipulation, dementia, real helplessness, fear, and family programming. Just remember that YOU are a very good daughter, you have your limits, and your Mother is not aware of much outside her own needs. She is rediscovering her belly button, as she did originally as a baby. No, she is not like a baby. It's not cute, but it is What it is, what Lindy is dealing with right now. Breathe deeply, then exhale. Her demands are not rational, don't expect things to be as before. It is a process, and she will continue to change.
Vent with us, any time All the time, Lindy. Hugs, Christina
But Please, please, let's not yell at our poor elders:( they really cannot help it. However they were as functioning adults, they have changed, either physically or mentally. Even the self centered narcissist types are trying to hang onto their Power! Notice each Will to survive, even the very weak. You can sense that spark in them. It is amazing!! They are still with us. Love them beyond their annoying behaviors. Vent, and cry, exercise, run to the next county. Boy, what a life. Remember how special YOU are for being a Care Giver:). Laugh often. xo
No meltdown today, but just after I told mom that she was getting a shower later, she said, "Oh I'm so tired, I didn't get a nap, I need to close my eyes, oh I'm dizzy, Oh I need to lay down!!" ;-) I'll see how it goes when she gets up! LOL