My sister was 56. She was placed in a state school after mother died, went through hospice, and she was thriving. On top of mental retardation she had COPD, pulmonary stenosis, diabetes, and was in renal failure. She was mobile for a few years and suddenly the doctor at the school changed and she was somehow in a wheelchair and unable to walk. Her health declined drastically within months. She had a feeding tube placed and was intubated twice. I was in the ICU with her at least twice a month for the last 8 months of her life. Five doctors finally decided it was time for hospice. The first visit to hospice only lasted 24 hours and she showed improvement so they sent her back to the school. By the following day she had no idea who I was. She was so out of it. They again sent her to ICU and the doctors said hospice was the only thing left. She was talkative for a few hours in hospice. They said she'd not be given food because her bowels weren't functioning. She kept telling me she was hungry. She had the IQ of a 5-year-old. I told them to give her something to sleep if they couldn't feed her. Within two days her fever was at 104. They iced her down and got it to normal. Oddly enough for 7 days off of her oxygen tank that she had been on for years and her oxygen levels were perfect. A hospice nurse explained to me that he was there when she was brought in and he wanted to be there when she left for Heaven. I thought nothing of it at the time, however, I finally left for the hotel around midnight and got the call 3 hours later that I needed to come on because it was time. I have a lot of guilt. Did I do the right thing? I listened to the doctors. But, where the doctors just tired of dealing with it and saw her a nonfunctioning person in society? Did the hospice nurse up the meds so he could be there? Did I aide in murdering my sister?
It sounds to me like the doctors understood that your sister, like mine, just did not have another recovery in her, and they knew they could do nothing but make her more comfortable. It's very hard to accept that, I know. It was hard for me too but it's gradually becoming easier. One thing that helped me was seeing the death certificate that listed the multiple causes of death for my sister. It helped me realize that her body was just so damaged, they couldn't keep all of the problems at bay indefinitely.
No, you didn't aid in murdering your sister. No, they didn't just let her die when she could have been saved. It's very hard to accept that but hopefully you will find peace with it eventually. My thoughts are with you.
Your sister was on her final chapter whether she was on Hospice or not.... she would have passed on the same day. It is comforting to know that she wasn't in any pain during her transition, and that is what Hospice does, keep the patient comfortable.
Once a patient's stomach stop functioning, then other organs will slowly start stopping. There is no turning back, nothing that doctors can do, no magic potion to use. A patient will rally, sit up, be chatty, want to eat, and the next day be gone.
The morphine used by Hospice does NOT speed up a person's passing. Dosages are between 5-15mg and that amount will NOT cause a person to die [it would take 200mg to do that]
My heart goes out to you and your family in the loss of both your Mom and your Sister. Take Care, but never blame yourself. You did everything right!