My Mom calls every night. I feel guilty if I don't talk to her.
It's same questions - same issues - it's like her day starts over - everyday. My Mother is in a nursing home and has been for 4 years now. She endured a Traumatic Brain Injury in a car accident 22 years ago and my father, her husband was killed in that accident. She is now 80 years old, suffering from multiple issues including the TBI, dementia, congestive heart failure, she is blind, cannot walk on her own nor feed herself on her own. She is hard to understand when she talks and everything is driven by panic and anxiety. At least once a week she calls me to tell me she has gone blind (she has been blind for 10 years). She wants to go home, which I understand - she believes she is perfectly healthy - the list goes on and on. Every time we talk which is around 3-4 times a week, it is an hour plus conversation about the very thing we talked about the day before. Nothing changes. I know she can't help it and it must be awful to relive that every day, but I'm so tired of going through this. I feel guilty saying that - if I don't answer, she just calls and calls until I do, then gets upset with me because I don't answer the phone. Those calls nearly ruin my evenings and my plans. I just hate feeling this way, but I don't know how to manage this. Has anyone else been through this - suggestions or thoughts?
No need to feel guilty about finding this hard! It has got to tear you up inside and feel like a difficult chore that has to be done over and over and over....and not even as much fun or exercise as rolling a big stone up a hill like Sisyphus.
I speak daily to my parents but it is the same conversation as the day before, and the day before that. Even I can't bring anything new into the conversation because I've been grounded myself due to an injury. Thank goodness Donald Trump threw his hat into the ring, it was a new subject for my Dad and I to talk about :)
Usually after 15-20 minutes of talking to Dad, I will ask him if Mom is nearby, and he gets her to the phone, those conversations are less than 60 seconds. My Mom can barely hear, so when I she ask how am I feeling and I answer "the pain is exhausting", she will answer "oh, that's nice" which tells me her hearing aid isn't working that day.
The only suggestion is similar to what cwillie had recommended above, a set day and time. My calls to my parents are around 8 pm daily, unless I had a delivery to make to them [they live down the street from me]. Sometimes I am glad for the delivery as that is quicker than the phone call ;)
Dad has very little short term memory and I have to prompt him continually to converse. I ask about his flowers, the bird feeders, have you seen any deer lately and so on. We've had the same conversation hundreds of times. To mom I
Have become her aches and pains sounding board like I'm a visiting nurse and she has to report all details of her health, including BMs. This is small potatoes compared to what you're dealing with but I understand your fatigue.
Living that far away I don't think there is a solution other than what has been suggested above. But I think people like us to to reme,bet all those poor souls out there trapped in hands on, live with mom, caregiver hell. Spend 10 minutes exploring this site for those stories and you'll feel much better. I hate to say this but count your blessings. She's in care, she has a friend and a caring daughter who talks, or listens, to her frequently.
PS. I assume your a daughter. Mostly gals around here. And I state all the above with all respect to your situation. I in no way mean to appear scolding.
My phone is next to my computer station, so sometimes I quickly turn on the computer and go to a gardening site, or stare at my desktop (a beautiful garden scene with a sweet little cat heading toward the flowers). The beauty, the flowers and the cat calm me down and I can answer more helpfully.
I think trying to put yourself in your mother's situation might be the most helpful - imagine how strange it must be to lose so much and yet still manage to be able to ask questions.
Wish I had some better suggestions.