I talked to the Hospice Social Worker this morning that went to see my mom yesterday afternoon after her blow up. My mom told her she had worked too hard all her life to end up in a nursing home and that I put her there, but she knew people and she would get out.
I called to check on her this morning and the nurse said she had been very pleasant this morning and the hospice aid was with her giving her a bath.
She is on oxygen full time, either in her wheelchair or in the bed. She can use her walker to get to the bathroom which is about a 10 foot walk. She knows no one and if she did I sure wish they would have been giving me a hand all these years.
She told the social worker she knew I would be gone for a little while but I intend to stay away long enough for her to miss me and if that doesn't happen then I know like I have known for a long time she doesn't need me unless she "needs" me.
There is still guilt sticking me in the stomach this morning, but I am working on it.
There really is no way she could check herself out right ? She cannot drive, she is totally dependent on others to care for her. She has CHF, COPD, Liver disease, to name a few. I have POA over her.
Could this turn into a mess ? She has no where to go to, no home, no finances other than her social security that is paying for the NH. Matter of a fact, I pay for her cable, extra pads and denture adhesive out of my own pocket. Her $30.00 goes for the beauty shop at the NH which by the way is a 5 star.
But still, talk to someone there where she is cared for so that you set your mind at ease and comfortably do what you feel is best...such as stay away longer than she thinks or take a break for yourself or whatever.
She's not that unhappy or she wouldn't be pleasant with the staff. She's probably just homesick (who can blame her) but that can't be helped (too bad but who can blame you when you did so much all by yourself for so long!). It's not a great situation but evidently the best one in your case, all things considered.
Maybe talk to the social worker, too, if you aren't, already.
Her last words to me last Monday was... Well, I kept you didn't I ? Last week was hard for me and if the truth be known not for her unless she needed something I could provide. I did after she slammed me Monday go to the store and brought extra of the things I do provide for her so she would not do without and left them at the nurses station. I won't let her do without the things that provide her comfort. I think that it would be nice if one of the things were me. Thank you very much all of you...
Moms lack of boundaries, self-absorption, short temper and bitterness were a hell of a thing to overcome. So, when I respond to her in a way I wish I hadn't, I remind myself that I'm trying my best and that she trained me how to treat her.
So stay away if you need to, it will not matter in the long run. Lay around, call a friend, buy a new shirt. Watch TV or go see a movie (I go alone all the time). Rest. Rest. Rest. You have already earned it and will need the strength soon. Bless you.
Agree with first post, talk to director and document any discharge or notification plan so you have clarity on this for your peace of mind. They deal with this all the time. Legally they can't discharge her if she can't take care of herself and/or doesn't have a clear care plan including living arrangements, health assistance, etc.
Discharging yourself only occurs with AL or Senior Living where you are already independent. Even then, if there is a family member involved, they will notify that resident is planning to leave.
Don't worry. You've done the right thing for her, now give yourself permission to take a hiatus from the drama/trauma and get emotionally healthy and strong to face the next chapter.
What are you reading?
My Moms "mental clock" is so screwed up, she can't tell yesterday from 2 months ago. I think time goes by so much faster for them.
You are doing great!