My Mother is scaring away her caregivers and she isn't listening to me. She is down two so far and it's only been two weeks, I am very upset with how she is acting, she doesn't have demensia, she has MS. She is rude, controlling and demanding. She told her caregiver to hang up the phone on me because I told her the 3rd caregiver was giving her notice.
I am sick of her,
I have the number for the police the number to call if she doesn't have anyone caring for her, in Ca the Police come in first and contract APS. My Mom is being such a pain and now not treating me right.
Is there someone in her physician's practice who might be able to help get the message through?
I work with her doctor and Psychiatrist. She just likes being the BOSS, my Dad was so controlling and belittling, it seems now it is her turn to be like this, perhaps she gets a thrill from it. She does not mean to scare them away, they just can't stand being with her. She is not even that mean, it's just the way she is, so picky, always calling them, messy, not appreciative, bossy, thinks she's the boss. She is in diapers and only has the use of one arm, she can't come out of the wheelchair. I think partly she is being mean because she feels she can.
She has enough money for a couple of years, she is turning very selfish too. The things she says...
My Dad used the be the mean and abusive one. I think the feeling she gets from feeling she is in charge of others makes her feel empowered! Uggggggggggggg
Live-in care givers are wonderful -- even if they live in your house. Be honest with the hiring agency and be willing to pay more than the "going rate."
One thing not mentioned about your mother's mental state: she may be terrified of losing control. It might be worth the effort to let her make some choices that are actually doable (like what vegetable to have with dinner; what soup to have for lunch; what chair to sit in to watch TV; and so on).
Another choice is respite care. Since she's not "nice" to you, you need have no compunction about leaving her somewhere for a short time (a weekend or even a week). These people are trained to cope with "crabby elders" and they get to go home after 8 hours. The thing to remember is that she is eventually going to die and you need to reach that point with enough energy and good enough health to have a fulfilling life after it happens.