My mom wants to go out everyday.If I go to a doctor appointment or to get an auto appointment done,she wants to go.If I am able to flee without her,she sulks and sniffs when I do get home.Took her out for a 4 day vacation to my Best friend's house last weekend.Came home Monday night.Yesterday{friday] I went to my neighbor's house for a visit.When my husband came home,she complained to him that she was 'going crazy' being home 'all of the time'..Now,Im feeling guilty because I dont want to come home at all when I do get out..She wont accept any outside help,nor can she stand any of her 'friends'.If by some miracle,one of them does visit,all she does is complain and criticize them when they leave,to me and my husband.She is illiterate,and tv and knitting are her only hobbies.Well,besides bitching about things that happened years ago.It seems like every time I talk to her,she has a long laundry list of tasks that she has thought up for me to do for her.She is even starting to have things that she wants my FRIENDS to do for her. She often says,"I hope you don't die,because,what would happen to ME if you do??"...How would you all deal with this?
You can't control your mother's reactions. You can control your actions and your reactions to her.
Certainly continue going out without her at times. You can go visit a neighbor without her permission or her presence. You control that.
She pouts and complains and sulks when you get home. That is under her control.
And how do you react? How about, "Mom, I had a good time with my friend. I really will not spoil it by listening to your sulking and complaining. I am going to be in the kitchen (family room, my bedroom, etc.) Please do not join me until you can be civil."
Your house, your rules. Sounds like you need to set some boundaries and stick with them. You and hubby need to present a united front. She complains to him about being in the house "all the time"? He replies, "Well, I'm glad that isn't actually true. Last week you were gone 4 days. I don't want to hear any of this nonsense about being stuck in the house. I'm going to be on the patio (family room, etc.) You are welcome to join me if you can refrain from complaining."
If she is bored at home, how about offering to drop her off at the local senior center for a couple of hours a few days a week? Look into Adult Day Health program in your area. Offer her alternatives. Be kind to her. But don't put up with her crap.
Of course you love her. I hope to goodness you love yourself, too. Mother is NOT more important than you are. You sound perceptive. You do know how to handle this. Setting the boundaries isn't enough. You have to enforce them as well. With love, kindness, and firmness.
She wants only you. Sure, she can have you. You love her. But she can't have you exclusively, and having your love does not mean she has you do to whatever she wants. Love doesn't work that way.
Stay strong! (And it is wonderful that you have the support of a good man.)