Moody Mom.
OK, this is more a need to vent than anything, but I am so annoyed. I know I should let it go, but I'm not quite there yet.
Today I was going to pick my mom up -- at 7 p.m. -- to take her shopping. At noon she was fine with it, even excited because she wants to get potting soil, some clay pots, some essentials. I was happy about it, too, because her mood is good and I figure we might have a bit of fun just getting out.
At 3 p.m. she calls to cancel. She says she can't do 7 p.m. because she'll be too tired and that she's usually in bed by that time, even asleep. (She has no trouble staying up until 10 if I visit her apartment, though.)
Now I have an odd work schedule. I work 30 hours a week at one job and freelance here and there, so I have some leeway. I don't need to work until afternoons on Tuesday and Thursdays, and I've often mentioned and written it in cards that I could pick her up around 10 a.m. on those days to take her for some quick (2 or 3 hours, because she's low mobility) shopping. No, that's impossible, she insists. She can't go anywhere until at least noon or 1 p.m. She adds she doesn't want me to take her on weekends because she wants me to relax and she insists I must be able to take her some afternoon around 2 p.m. during the week.
Now, why is 10 a.m. or 7 p.m. so unreasonable? She was downright hostile on the phone and was trying to lay the blame on me, that I was somehow being selfish. I get no days off with my job, so I either have to make up the hours within that week or I lose the money. I don't have a large income. I was laid off a few years ago and was lucky to find work, but it's not the same rate of pay. My husband was laid off a year ago and still hasn't found full-time work. We both 12- and 13-year-old cars, respectively. I can't just take off willy-nilly when her mood strikes (and she will cancel at the drop of a hat, so if I took off next Tuesday the odds are good she wouldn't go anyways!)
So it's nothing new, but I'm tired of being labeled a jerk for trying to be helpful to her but I think reasonably trying to work with her. Is 10 a.m. or 7 p.m really such a big deal? Am I supposed to just go, screw everything and take her shopping when she'd like to go?
On top of that she complained of being tired and not being able to walk in big stores. (She can't walk more than 10 steps without getting winded because she smokes 3 packs a day.) I said, well, we can borrow a wheelchair at the store. She says, no, because she didn't want to look silly! She's 76 years old and is handicapped, so a wheelchair doesn't look silly at all!
And her not agreeing to use the store wheelchairs is ridiculous. It sounds like you need to make other arrangements to get her shopping - like have someone else take her. It sounds like it was a luxury for her anyway...so make it fit your schedule. And there's NO way you're a jerk! You're a good daughter to try to get your mom out.