Please know this is not a question, more of a follow-up to a post I made a while back in regards to my Mother, and I hope this may help someone out there who may experience the same thing.
My mother was a 77 year old type 2 diabetic suffering from Stage 3 renal failure. I took her to the doctor's office regularly. I listened intensively to everything I was told, researched everything for hours on end, called people in the medical profession whom were friends. An instance happened where I noticed a sharp change in her memory/behavior and mobility. I kept detailed records of everything I saw and informed the Doctor. They assumed it to be dementia, and based off their reasoning, I agreed.
But shortly her symptoms started to evolve which did not seem like dementia to me. After watching her, and considered her history of heart failures and slight blockage in her carotid artery, I alerted the doctor that I suspect her to be suffering TIA's. (Repeated mini-strokes) and the only way to definitively find out, would be to have an MRI of the brain. Unfortunately, even with the symptoms and detailed history of heart problems my Mom had, the Doctor didn't think it was necessary, and I was dismissed.
Shortly after this her condition declined to such a rate where I couldn't understand her, she couldn't walk, lost function on left side of body. We rushed her to the emergency room where they gave her a CT and found a massive brain tumor on her right frontal lobe. 17 days later, she died. The point in all of this is to tell anyone who is a family member, if you know something is not right, if you're with this person daily and you know them better than anyone else, and you notice something off...do not back down.
Unfortunately I did not live by my own advice and I backed off and listened to the Doctors, since they know so much more than I do. But had of I been a little more tenacious and insufferable toward the Doctor, maybe there would have been a chance we could have bought ourselves more time.
An MRI doesn't usually catch TIAs in the act, so that makes sense. But it does surprise me that a PCP suspecting dementia didn't get a CT scan done. Whether or not that would have made any difference in the long run I suspect is much harder to say than those surgeons - who tend to be on the gung-ho side - would have you believe.
You did a tremendous amount to help and support your mother, and she must have felt very much loved and cared for. No regrets! - you did the very best you could. Wishing her peace and you comfort.
These sorts of things sometimes Get taken out of our hands and God felt it was her time to go, or possibly have to endure a long and painful drawn out end for her, and you know that you wouldn't have wanted that for her. Again, I'm so sorry, but your Mom is in a better place. You take care of yourself. Stacey B
I struggle with it — but there were many forces at play. And I am only human. As are you.
We all lose our parents sooner or later. The where/when/how sucks for everyone. The nagging details are not so universal; we all have our own “tape” that we replay over and over.
Go easy on yourself. You were loving and caring. You did nothing wrong.
Most of us have less-than-ideal final memories of our parents. Why? Because aging is cruel and relentless. It’s the dragon that we “super kids” cannot slay.
I wish you the peace you deserve in the days ahead. (((big hugs)))
I'm so sorry to hear about your mother's passing and the substandard care she received from the doctor. We are the voices for the elderly and their advocates. I work in a hospital. I have worked in the ER many times. Someone who has a TIA (even though they usually resolve before you get the a hospital) or has any new neurological changes GETS a CT/MRI. It's pretty much a standard protocol. It doesn't matter if she had heart disease, Diabetes, or advanced renal failure. Was this a primary care physician that made this decision on not ordering or performing the test? He/she should have referred her to a neurologist or sent her to the ER. If anyone feels something is not right and you are being brushed off. Get LOUDER! And don't stop until you get what your parent needs. BTW, I am a RN. 14 years critical care, 4 years in Preop and PACU recover, and 3 years in Cardiac Cath Electrophysiology (Performing Ablations for Afib, Ventricular tachycardia/fibrillation, SVT, Atrial Flutter, cardioversions, plus inserting pacemakers, defibrillators, Watchmans, Mems, Micra leadless pacemakers, Lariats, and Loop recorders.
Every hospital has a Patient relations department and a Medical Director you can contact with concerns. Don't ever be quiet when it comes to your family member. It can easily cost them their life.
Again my condolences for the loss of your mother. You were a great advocate for her. May she rest in peace after all the unnecessary suffering she went through towards the end.
Thank you for sharing
May you find some peaceful rest in the days ahead
My deepest condolences and sympathies. I'm very sorry for your loss. I know you did everything possible for your mom. It is hard.
Thank you for sharing your story with us during this difficult time. In my own case, I too failed to see my dad was declining and should have known something wasn't right. He died of heart failure. I regret this deeply in hindsight.
I agree with you 100% everyone has the right to question the doctor and nurses. And should go for a second and third opinion if they feel something is not right. It is a lesson I hope to keep with me.
Ultimately it was my Mother's decision, which she struggled with and then we ran out of time since she developed pneumonia at the hospital and grew even weaker, and we both knew we just ran out of time.
I'm so sorry you lost your Mother.She was lucky to have you and your care.It seems like the Doctors Assumed wrong,not you.YOU tried to tell them.You did try your best.
I know it hurts.I lost my dear Mother too.Take good care in the days ahead and again,I'm so sorry.