If we don't do what she wants she works herself up and calls an ambulance for attention, she knows we will drop everything and go see her then , i am at her place everday im not working and when im not there my brother or sister is , but when she phones which is all the time and we dont drop everything and go see her she will cfreate havoc in emergency
If Mom is "in her right mind" then I agree with Jessie and FF. I'm sure your behavior is done in love (and maybe a little guilt) but it really isn't good for Mom to succeed with her bullying tactics. She could be there another 10, 15, or even 20 years. You have to stop letting her manipulate her, for her sake as well as yours.
Has she actually called an ambulance more than once? Or did she do it once and now that is a threat hanging over your head?
What if you explained to the health director (sometimes don) at the ALF that if they call an ambulance for her they are to call you, too, and you will immediately go to the ER, but if Mom calls the ambulance herself, with no supervision from staff, that you will wait until the ER makes a decision. If they are sending her right back to the ALF, you will let the ALF staff handle the situation.
Let her create havoc. Not your circus, not your monkey. ALF can deal with it ... and they wlll try to deal with it in such a way as to discourage it from happening again.
I agree with Jessie above, time to back off on all the visits. My Dad, who is 94, lives in Independent Living with Assisted Living options. I visit maybe twice a week for about a half hour.
Your mother isn't very old, so she may be around for a few more years. She really does need to get her own life and not depend so much on yours and your siblings. IMO, every day is too often!