We live far away but have visited her every month and been there for every crisis that has come up. We have stayed with her and overseen her care through numerous hospital and convalescent stays. She has 24/7 home care now but thinks we should be taking care of her. She says we are only interested in our inheritance. It's all very hurtful.
If she is being cared for, I wouldn't worry. If she disowns you, it would be sad, but there is only so much you can do.
I don't blackmail at all. My response..."ok..that's your choice." Do not visit the next time...send a card.
I betshe changes her tune really fast once she knows that you can't be manipulated that way.
But of course my mom didn't quite see it that way. So when my brother and I were at her IL apartment having our "intervention" mom went ballistic and during her tirade yelled at my brother that she was going to cut him out of her will. His response - "that's fine. I don't need your money". That left her sputtering and with no wind in her sails.
In the end my mom never followed through with her threat and she also stop using her money as ammunition.
Call your moms bluff. Maybe she will - maybe she won't. But either way you'll be better off knowing exactly where things stand. Bully's keep on bullying until someone puts a stop to it.
Living a convalescent life style tends to give one too much time to think about grievances.
When you hear her being critical that you aren't there, you might try telling her that you love her too. That you miss her and that you will visit as soon as possible. That's probably what she really wants.
At 97 she knows her days are numbered and having her kids around probably does make her feel better.
It's hard never having a moment alone. Caretakers are not family. It takes awhile to accept the new order of things. It was a hard thing to hear but I'm sure it doesn't change your commitment to her. Hugs
She has full time caregivers. Wow! That is expensive. Is she wealthy enough to continue to pay for that for a couple of years, and still have enough left over to leave a substantial inheritance?
She is going to disown you? "That is OK Mom. You do what you have to do. I'll still be concerned about you and try to monitor your care. If you have a crisis and are in the hospital and want to re-own me, I'll be there for you."