Had to take a break since I asked about letting my sister visit. Some of the responses to my question hurt me deeply. I signed out and this is the 1st time I’ve been here since. I realized that I really don’t have to light myself to keep other people warm. My sister has been here 1 time since then. She no longer has a 2nd job. She told me she wants to help out more...I’m not expecting anything or holding my breath. Words don’t mean anything without action. If she asks to visit and it’s not interfering with my very empty schedule she can come to visit and I’ll use the time to do something else.
Last time she was here I left and went to Treehouse brewery to buy beer to bring to my son in Ohio.....I don’t expect any help from her or my brother and I’m good with that.....SO I’ve found help in other places. I’ve found outside help to clean the house. Found my own sitters to come for longer times so I can visit the 2 grandchildren that live an hour away. Sitters I trust with her and feel comfortable leaving in my home. Sitters I consider almost family and already friends. I’m planning to visit my other grandchildren in Ohio this summer. I’m not sure if she’s going to stay here with one of the new sitters or if I will put her in one of the homes of people who foster elderly that I’m going to start visiting to check out. Either choice is affordable. Putting her in a nursing home for respite care would have been over $5000 and they wouldn’t take the dog. Getting rid of poor help was a huge thing. It’s hard enough having strangers in your home, but having people with no respect for others was not acceptable. I’ve got this for now. Thank you to those of you who understood how I felt. It’s not about siblings who won’t help out...it’s about knowing that your siblings just don’t care that you’re struggling. A Christmas card would have been nice especially since it was the 1st year in over 30 that I didn’t host the family holiday dinner...and pay for it. My mom and I shared a frozen dinner alone. Yes, a Christmas card would have been nice. I don’t expect anything now from either of them.... I will never ask them for anything again. They don’t have to do anything for their mother. It’s their choice. I’ve let it go.
If your sister has said she wants to help out more and has more time free than she had previously, it might be better to take her word for it and tell her what would help.
You say actions speak louder than words. But how can she act on her offer if she doesn't know what to do?
The worst that can happen is that you're proved right.