Hi,
I need help. My gram is 93 and turns on me. Blows off appointments and I'm going on disability. I am all she has and decided to remove me from our joint account that we share. So now every month I have to hope she will give me my money. Does anyone know what I can do. She's getting worse and I cry because of what she puts me through she's not just losing her mind but she has always been a narcissist. I'm all she has. I'm 32 and disabled and she 93 and impossible hence lives 20 miles one way from me. Her home is getting very unmanageable and I've cleaned it several times just for her to start the hoarding process again. Her moneys are or were supposed to go to me but she's so mean and secretive I don't know if she's changed anything. We were so close and now I'm afraid of her. Is there a way to secure the finances and get her home health care? I'm in NY. Any help would be much appreciated. Jo
Forget about Grandmother's money that she promised you, as that money will need to be used for her future care as eventually she will need to move into a continuing care facility as her memory keeps getting worse and worse.
If Grandmother cannot afford to be self-pay in an Assisted Living, then she would need Medicaid [which is different from Medicare] to pay for her care in a nursing home. With Medicaid every State runs their programs differently.
Who is Grandmother's Power of Attorney? If Grandmother owns her own house, is she paying her real estate taxes? How about homeowner's insurance? Utilities? Or is the Power of Attorney doing that for her? Some times elders who run their own homes do forget to pay for real estate taxes. My own Dad did... oops.
in the long run, your grandmother probably needs to be in a facility. If she has Medicaid, it seems she would be eligible. You cannot get POA without her consent. It's hard to understand how someone on Medicaid has enough money to share with a family member every month, though. Where is that money coming from and what is it supposed to be used for?
In the short run, you need to find a source of income that does not depend on your grandmother. Do you have other family that could help? If you can clean your gma's house, can you clean other houses for pay? Or look after other old people as a companion? Do you have anything you could sell? Can you take a line of credit on your home until your disability comes through?
You sound very emotionally fragile. It can only harm you to keep subjecting yourself to somebody who "turns on" you, as you say. Try to step away from her and find another source of money in the short run. Good luck and keep up posted!
Many of us in same boat. It’s no fun this demon dementia. It gets worse. My mother w dementia squeeze my fingers & at night they feel like pins & needles. I think she stopped the blood flow & injured my veins. She has turned into Evil Eve instead of mom.