My mother-in-law is now 60 years old. She barely eats meals throughout the day. Every morning she has a Boost as her breakfast and either has lunch or dinner, not both within the same day. As an aspiring Dietitian I already know her meals are inadequate and she is not getting the nutrients her body needs. She has eaten like this for over 30 years, according to my wife. Also, she barely sleeps maybe 2-4 hours a night. She acts fine, and is mobile, can drive her car fine and her family and myself are always wondering how she is so normal with minimal sleep and nutrition. She never goes to the doctor and we recently found out she has been skipping her appointments or makes excuses to miss them. She has even lied about going which is almost the most frustrating part. If you bring up her going to a doctor it is almost an instant argument or she will try to hang up on you if it is over the phone. She is also not active, at all. I am not talking about like she has a walking disorder or anything of the sort, as she moves about like a woman in her 50s. However, she will always make an excuse to get out of doing anything like, going down a slide(basic slide, barely angled), shoot cans with a BB gun off the back porch, snorkeling, hanging out with her friends, working out, or anything you can think of she will make an excess to not do it. She does however like to spend money, but will not wear anything that shows her arm skin or legs. Keep in mind she is a pretty attractive 60-year-old woman and always gets compliments from complete strangers and I mean always.
I could go on more for each of these, but this is pretty much the basics of the issues at hand. I believe she has depression as she never wants to talk about things that bother her and she just keeps it inside forever. Her sleeping and eating habits worry me as I believe there is an underlying health issue either currently or in the works. You can't tell her anything that will basically try to change her ways. If I bring up concerns like cancer for instance she will say,"Don't worry I'm fine, I'm not going to get cancer." It's like she thinks she is immune to health issues, yet never goes to the doctor. This has been troubling us for the past few years and its time we get some outsider input because I can't drag her to a doctor or therapist. We could use any help you all might have. Thank you.
She is not getting by on two hours of sleep. Absolutely not. She may think she is only sleeping 2 hours and saying that, but her body wouldn't let that go on indefinitely. I had a sleep study for narcolepsy. The doctor told me how many minutes before I fell asleep in each of thee episodes, and that I didn't have narcolepsy. I was astounded. "But I never fell asleep at all, in any of the episodes!" Well, yes I did, according to the machine measuring such things, but it might have been a very light sleep the doctor explained.
Aha! So I probably really was getting more sleep than I was stating. When I said I was in bed all night but I only slept two hours, I was probably wrong! I had dozed off lightly when I thought I had been awake.
Also, maybe MIL nods off while supposedly watching television. Maybe she has little naps while she is reading. Maybe when she is sitting doing nothing she is really getting some of the sleep her body will insist upon. Perhaps she is not getting enough sleep to function optimally, but she is getting enough sleep to function.
If she always gets compliments on her appearance from strangers, why on earth are you concerned about how she dresses?
And now we come to the depression. Ah. Do you think covering her arms and legs is evidence of depression? That not wanting to do things with grandchildren is because of depression? Not wanting to talk about things that bother her -- is that depression? You could be right. Depression is a serious illness, and it is treatable. Often the person who has depression is not motivated to do much of anything, including making an appointment to seek treatment. But that burst of energy to lay mulch does not sound like depression. Is she gardening now? You say she smiles a lot now. It sounds like she has interests -- keeping her appearance up, gardening, driving places -- but that they are not the interests you expect of a 60 yo. She does not behave as you expect/want a grandmother to behave. That may be depression or it may just be lack of role models and/or not a high level of interest in young children.
I say drop your concern about her diet and her sleep. Pay attention to things that MIGHT indicate depression. There are regulars on this forum who have dealt with depression in themselves or in the person they are caring for.
Read up on signs of depression. Come back and discuss that aspect of your concern, if you still have it after monitoring MIL for that.
And I suggest you try that, too. Don't make judgments of your MIL. Accept her the way she is. You may think you are meddling for her own good. But, just stop it, please.