Well today I walked passed a neighbor who on occasion would say hi here and there. Somehow we ended up on the subject of my grandma. Make long story short she suggested I bring her back home because she's probably dying where she is. She started to say that she's on her last leg, shes unhappy, and I should get her out of this place before it's too late and wants me to bring her home tomorrow. Even though she seemed okay but the one thing that irked me the most is when she mentioned that the other neighbor could really use the extra money by moving grandma in with her. Though she added that her and the other two neighbors are all nurses and had taken care of their own family, that doesn't mean they might be able to handle my granda. Though she understood I want to start my life she was adding that grandma's life is also as important and she has the choice to come home and let her stay home rather in a hospital but I told her she's in an assistance living. Grandma seems to like where she is just wants to come home but she doesn't want to come home to the current home and like last time she got depressed about this place and the whole chain of events occurred.The other thing that occurred is I had a dream last night about grandma being home and it wasn't as easy as it seemed either. In the dreams I had about her returning home would apparently to show me that at 1st it was nice people were helping until late summer when she started to become more and more mean and forgetful to the point I was again taking care of her on my own. The dream last night was about her getting angry at me about leaving her all the time for work and it was the winter. She thrashed about and cried and was having a tantrum. Sad thing is this happened before and is why I can't take care of her anymore. Issues with her returning is also she hates the area we are living in. She refuses to come back to this place but she wants to be home but she doesn't want to leave where she is too. It isn't easy at all. I love her is true but what cost of happiness for safety? At what cost of sanity for happiness? But my choice is clear. I rather find a better place for her rather than moving her back home. I know my grandmother like the back of my hand. I rather have her in a senior apartment or home with a nurse of some sort to check up on her and for me to visit her as much as I can until I can get on my feet. If she comes back I will never get on my feet. I know this. I had family and friends promising me this before and it didn't work out.
Find a better place for your grandma if she isn't safe where she is but it sounds like she's accepted her circumstances so only move her if you have to. "If she comes back I will never get on my feet." You have to take care of yourself. I too am in the middle of some very tough decisions and am learning that I need to make sure my situation is solid. That I have money coming in. That I can take care of my own family before I go trying to take on the task of caring for others.
I would follow Eyerishes comments and add a couple additional ones.
If something happened to one of your neighbors while taking care of grandma you might be liable. I would double check with an attorney and also with your current home owners insurance agent before I would make any deals with these 2.
If they are talking about sticking pins and things like that in her, they are definitely off their rockers.
As far as other residents stealing things, it is more than likely clothes ended up getting mixed up with the laundry or other sundry ways. Just the fact you are looking out for your grandmother says a lot about you.
To everyone who responded I want to say thanks again and if I could I would hug all of you. I'm very grateful I found this place and it really helped me out a lot. Thanks again!
How often do these neighbors visit your grandmother now? Go and join her for lunch, or to play cards in the common room, or to take her for a walk? It doesn't really sound like they know anything at all about assisted living so I'm wondering if they visit her. I mean, if they really have her best interests in mind, they are visiting, right?
Nobody loves your grandmother like you do. No one knows her as intimately as you do. You are the appropriate person to make decisions for her. And you have done that.
Tell the neighbors, "Thank you for your concern," and go about your business. They have no role to play in advising you.
@windytown Thank you last time I saw her last Thursday she was looking much better from when she was 1st there. She's loves the people there and even have a few friends who stick by her. She seems very happy but not so happy with the clothes which is understandable. I rather have her there than to bring her home away from people who she already made a bond with. She isn't miserable at all as alot of the staff tells me and what some residents tell me too.
You may want to do some shopping around for places -- I don't know where in the country you are, but we found that when we were looking for places the crummy ones in bad parts of town weren't actually much cheaper than the really nice place we found for her in a very nice part of town (as a bonus it's right on my way home from work, so I can drop by for a visit on my way home if I want). How your Grandmother is treated is the most important thing (if the facility is safe). Caregivers she trusts, & who are respectful of her as a person make all the difference in the world. It was kind of funny the first time my Grandma told me she didn't want me to help her get out of bed, she'd rather have the caregiver do it since the caregiver was a "professional" . I'll admit that my pride was hurt for about .5 of a second, then I was really happy that she felt SAFE there.
For what it's worth, the very nice place we ended up with is only about 10% more than the real dumps in the bad part of town, and actually less than that, since they will also take her to 1 Dr. visit a month for free (which the cheap places charged for). We are also welcome to visit any time (even for meals!)...and the food is amazing...and she has her own room...their are skylights everywhere, and the house is clean and does NOT smell like pee!