This article from yesterday's Washington Post post should horrify all of the caregivers out there who postpone living their lives to care for aging parents.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/2023/08/18/elizabeth-francis-houston-centenarian-birthday/
This is a 114 year old woman living with her 94 year old daughter and they're both cared for by a 68 year old granddaughter. The article celebrates the family and her accomplishment to reach 114 but we all know that the days for that granddaughter are endless and he's never going to get her life back.
So, when you are wondering if you should bring a parent to live with you, or you live with them because this is only going to be a few years please realize that those years can go on a very long, long time. It's best to get them settled into a situation where you can enjoy those years with them while someone else is doing the caregiving. When I finally got my dad to assisted living at age 97 we all thought it was just for a couple of years. His 102nd birthday is this week and he's in better health than me.
BIL has a MUCH better way of keeping boundaries. He also hasn't lived anywhere near family until 2 years ago. So he isn't 'enmeshed' the way DH is.
He's also a psychologist and can look at situations and be calm and thoughtful. DH just does whatever YS tells him to do.
And, yeah, MIL's gonna live a lot longer. If someone had told me this could go on like this for a year--I would have disagreed--but I am sure now that it's going to.
“One friend told me, “If I tell you that I want to get married again, please shoot me!””
Haha 🙂
Bc just said she would never take care of a needy elderly again, but has placed herself in the position where it will personally happen.
She doesn’t seem like she likes the population.
I know. But we all must make a living. As I said, sometimes you’ll earn much less if you suddenly enter a job in a different field. There are financial, and other advantages, when you set up your own business.
“She doesn’t seem like she likes the population.”
I don’t think so. You can be burnt out and not dislike every elderly person. I think Burnt, just like all of us, doesn’t like “senior brats”.
I think Burnt, just like all of us, likes nice people, whether they’re young or older.
I know agencies where the owner will have to do hands-on if there’s a no show, but in reality it never happens, because the owner has many back-up caregivers.
I feel like I'm twice my age when it comes to being forced to take care of one parent and losing the other and dealing with estate-related matters and claiming possessions I want to have.
Even though she's more 91 than 71 regarding physical abilities, I can legitimately see her living for another 25-30 years. My grandmother turned 95 earlier this year and my great-grandmother died at 94.
Then again, at the time my dad passed, I thought I would have 15-20 more years with him. You never truly know when loved ones pass away.
BurntCaregiver:
I'm in the same boat. Once I don't have to help my mom out anymore, whether it be through positive or negative circumstances, I'm not doing any caregiving duties for anyone ever again. Relatives, in-laws if I ever get married, friends, and family friends are all out of luck.
It doesn’t really end. If you get married, grow old together, you’ll be caring for her and vice versa, she for you.
You are correct. I have along experience in homecare. I would go as far as to say I am an expert in it. That is why I went into the business of it.
I'm not all that worried about earning much more or much less in a new career field. Business is good and my old man certainly does well.
There are pros and cons to being a professional caregiver the same as there are for any job.
I never thought of it as a "calling". I never thought of the work itself as "rewarding" either. That's what homecare agencies try to sell potential employees when the pay is lousy.
There's nothing rewarding about scaping crap off an ancient can. Or any for that matter.
This being said, I was good in the field is because I've always had an excellent work ethic.
As for my in-laws or any other aging relative on my side or my man's. They are out of luck if they think I'll be taking on their care needs personally. I'll set them up with good caregivers. I'll advocate if they go into facility care. I will not allow anyone to be moved into my house. Nor will I relocate to provide caregiving. There's no way in h*ll either of these things is happening.
@JoAnn
I think that after 25 years of wiping can, diaper changing, incontinence, bathing, feeding, heavy lifting, agitation, panicking over nothing, histrionics, instigating, dementia, spending hours at a time in filthy, hoarded houses, being accused of every hellish crime a mind can think of, having to chase down my pay, dealing with families who expect a slave to work for all of them along with meeting every single possible need their precious, eldery "loved one" has, and listening to someone repeating themselves continually all day and every day;
I have earned the right to call it a day.
I will not take care of another elderly person again ever. For any reason.
Yet, I'm still an expert in this field and my caregiver are well trained, have plenty of support, and are looked after by me personally.
Sure, I've had to fill in here and there with a client and that's not a problem. Filling in once in a while isn't the same as workig in it day in and day out.
It really doesn't matter if I "like" elderly people or not. I like money. I like having an excellent work ethic. I like running a good business.