Hi everyone, I don't really have another outlet regarding this and it's becoming so hard to deal with this. My father is 77 and was diagnosed with dementia late last year. Currently, he lives with my mother who is 65. Neither one works so they pretty much are home all day and my mom is scared to leave him alone for fear of what may happen. He's gotten to the point of urinating on himself and just letting it sit there, even going out like that but simply covering the stain with a coat. He's not showering either now. He's pretty much not aware of really anything that happens in the house... if the smoke alarm goes off, he just sits there... It's very stressful for my mother because she pretty much has to deal with this all on her own. He currently is receiving SS checks but ends up just gambling it away or buying beer, though he doesn't get intoxicated or anything. My sister and mother are going on Fri to begin the paperwork so my mom can become the responsible payee because its gotten to the point where he spends all his money on that stuff and then asks friends and even strangers AND even his grandchildren for money.
Personally, and I feel horrible for feeling this way but I'm kinda thankful I'm not living there right now. I also feel horrible cause I don't go visit often because I'm worried about how the house is gonna smell cause of the urine issue and I just can't stand to see him like that.
I know people say to always think about the good memories and spend time with them before they pass, but its hard for me to get past the good memories like playing catch in the park with him and flying to TX to see our Cowboys play. It's hard for me to accept that we won't ever be able to do those things again and going there and seeing him like this is hard for me to deal with.
I really don't have a question here, just wanted to talk.
thanks
My wife at age 53
Diagnosis of FTD was not until 2015.
Christy's affliction was unknown for 9 years
FTD was identified only by chance that a social worker's husband had died from it and she recognized the symptoms.
The screaming, whimpering, growling, attacks, alien arm (disassociated limb),
whiteout (white matter disease) thigh slapping, shadowing, were familiar.
Perhaps your loved one has FTD, or similar dementia.
* www.alzheimers.net/signs-of-frontotemporal-dementia/
FTD cannot be treated or controlled by Alzheimer's meds or behavioral meds/therapy.
It is what it is, described as 'hellish' until death.
Alzheimer's meds are adverse for FTD.
Alzheimer's meds bent my wife over and did not help aggression
Google FTD symtoms and medications.
Cannabis edibles make every day a joy.
There is no Rx for FTD seizures
Cannabis inhales halt seizures immediately.
There is no violence, no aggression. There is increased awareness.
and no drug stupor.
Christy has little cognition and cannot communicate, but she is physically healthy as 12 years ago.
She is also happy 'in there' and can be a hoot.
We are thankful for the herb.
Both your parents require help.
You can arrange for help, not having to go there yourself.
With a lot of challenges with people living with dementia, it is possible for aging adults who are dealing with this condition to have the best possible care and help. With the right kind of support and genuine care, life can become less stressful and much more enjoyable.
You should look for a professional home care services which can take care of every need of your father and with the time you can spend more time with your father.
Best of luck
Mom can file for Medicaid as a Community Spouse. She will not be impoverished. May even do better if Dad is spending his SS check. Basically, there is more to it, the assets wil, be split between them. His half will have to be spent down. Wouldn't hurt to make an appointment and sit down with Medicaid.
I do see where you are coming from. I cannot stand "smells" but you have to think about Mom. She needs you more now. You can take a lot off her shoulders by helping with cleaning, shopping with her and watching Dad while she gets some time away.
I understand the "I can't see him this way" thing. I heard this from my 2 brothers when Moms decline started back in 2014. But I had to see it everyday for 3 years.