No question--I just need to vent---or I will ruin Christmas for everyone.
We got a semi-frantic call from our daughter yesterday about a friend of hers who is in the process of adopting a rescue puppy--the girl works in the vet's office where the puppy has been, being txed for Parvo virus. She needed somewhere for the puppy to stay for 4 days while she moves out of her mother's home. (Her Mom said, "no dogs in this house!") So the girl is searching for an apartment during the holidays. Now, I like dogs. We have OWNED 3 of them, over 39 years, but are currently w/o one as I am sick to death of the work involved with owning one. DH LOVES dogs, but did zero work at the "messy end" the pee, poop, sick visits to the vet, the final agonizing days as we lost our beloved Border Collie to cancer--he was MIA for all but the long, fun hikes and throwing a tennis ball. So, I am done with having a dog. And while I felt really bad for this girl, I was not feeling like we should house a dog we don't know, who doesn't know us, and whose owner had no idea of the puppy was even housebroken yet. I said no, but deferred to DH on ONE condition: he had to do EVERYTHING for this puppy. I have 20 people coming to dinner today. I shopped, wrapped and sent the gifts to our out of staters. I got gifts for his MOTHER who absolutely hates me and he took all the credit for "choosing" said thoughtful gifts. I do 99% of everything to ready us for the holidays---he ran to Walgreens last night to get me something, as per usual. This is normal, so I'm not upset about THAT. My own mother is very ill and I have been running up to check on her on a daily basis for the last week. She is so feeble and still very sick with some kind of GI problem--I begged her to let me take her to the ER last Sat and she cried and cried and said she would suffer anything but being in the hospital on Christmas---so I'm worried about her. After my family leaves this afternoon, I will have to go see mother and check on her again. So--my plate is VERY full. DH said "I really want to do this!" so he called the girl, who of course is ecstatic--and she's here an hour later with a rambunctious, NOT HOUSEBROKEN IN THE LEAST, puppy who is chewing everything in sight and has peed & pooped all over the house. DH was supposed to put her in her crate last night, but she whined, so he slept on the couch with her "by his side" (how sweet, huh?) and she wandered all night long and peed all over the basement, the family room--the ONLY place we have carpet. I got up this am and found hubby sound asleep on the couch, honking away, and the dog just chewing up some random paper she'd found. Hubby wakes up---just as I step into a very large, wet spot. I didn't say anything, grabbed some cleaner and paper towels (no the girl didn't leave us any "potty pads"!! and began to clean the spot. Only to find 3 more wet spots on the way to the garbage. Luckily she hasn't pooped yet--but it's only 9 am--day's young. (oh, and BTW? Dogs with Parvo have diarrhea. Delightful) Dh SAID he got up with her and let her out several times, but she doesn't have a clue what to do outside and it's below freezing here. He thinks he's some kind of amazing dog whisper or something, He said "I let her out, I told her to go potty". Needles to say, my house REEKS, I don't have time to clean the carpet (and it would ALL be wet then..before the family comes. I am FURIOUS with my hubby for not crating the puppy for the night---I don't even KNOW how many spots she hit. No responses needed, but I have to calm down before the troops arrive. DH knows I do NOT like Christmas, I get so overwhelmed and anxious, and all he says (as he is now soaking in a hot tub is "geez, take a Klonipin, would ya? Calm down!) I have indeed taken 2 Klonipin and I am artificially calm. I'm INSISTING the puppy be crated for the family party. I am also INSISTING he crate her the night or keep her in his bedroom with the door shut. Dh has been begging for us to get another dog---and this is tilting the scales towards "I do not think so!!" In the puppy's defense, she is cute as can be, it's not her fault. I am placing the blame square on DH who admitted that the owner told him the puppy wasn't housebroken very well--but he really, really wanted to house her. Well, I get new carpet next week. I guess his bonus will be well spent. Thanks for listening, if you did. Someday there will be humor in this, just, not today and not for a while. Merry Christmas to all!!
I really sympathize and empathize with you. I'm totally with you and I think I would be out of mind as well if I woke up to dog pee everywhere. Sending you love and hugs. You are a good woman to do as much as you do for everyone in your life including this puppy. I hope the day gets better.
One puppy was enough for us after that we got adult dogs.
First thing I would have done is wipe some pee on a paper towel shove it in his hand and say "Now it's your turn"
Soaking in a hot tub is he? March in pull out the plug and turn on the cold water or better yet dump a bucket of cold water on him.
Take a Klonapin my hat, go to your room with a large brandy and let him do the entertaining puppy and all.
Next year book a nice cruise for one or two if he behaves himself.
Hope the dinner didn't burn before family got there to take care of it.
Happy Christmas.
One of my rescue dogs caught Parvo before he was adequately vaccinated. Spent several days on IV at the vet. Had cognitive damage; was never housebroken.
SO GLAD I came here to vent before the family arrived. SO GLAD I was nicely anesthetized too :)
I'm not particularly kind hearted-- the family knew this was all on their dad, it was NOT my idea to board the dog....and she is actually doing much better--no accidents in the house today as I was on top of not just letting her out, but telling her constantly to "go potty" and the effusively praising her when she did. Got the grands involved and anyone of them were able to get her to potty got $1. It's A Christmas we'll remember.
Dh feels terrible--both due to severe allergies he has to dogs ( go figure) the fact he refused to take any antihistamines and eye drops until he was flat out miserable---and although I did not complain (no point) he knew that I was bent out of shape, with just cause. The 3 daughters were all so mad at him for putting this on me---he really just doesn't think.
Day was fine, noisy and crazy as always, our house is tiny and we have a big family. They're all gone home now, I am going to bed. Dog is sleeping in DH's bedroom and if she pees in there, well, it's all hardwood and it won't hurt the floor. Hubby says he'll get up to take her out, he might, but I won't hold my breath.
Tomorrow he is 100% in charge of her, and though he normally takes vacay days and sleeps literally all day long, he will not get that option for the next couple of days. I DID NOT say I would help with the dog, I have done more than I said I would and yes, my mother needs me more than the dog does.
((Sigh)) well, at least out of this I am getting new carpet in the basement, which we really did need and now he is saying "oh, I think we really need to replace that old carpet..." he feels bad, and I'm not rubbing it in.
But it DID for once and for all settle the dispute about getting another dog. No and no.
He's in his room, wheezing and coughing, but he refuses to put the dog in the crate her owner brought. His call.
Thanks for the comments. And the support. I really think if I hadn't posted, I might have lost my mind this morning. I needed to put this out in the universe----!
What a night. DH puts puppy in his room (directly above mine) and proceeds to fall asleep at 6 pm last night. I am in my room, watching "It's a Wonderful Life" and I can hear the dog scrabbling about on the floor through the whole movie. Finally, at 9:00, I go see what she's up to and find she has eaten most of a bamboo back scratcher. Ugh Had to pull the stuff from between those sharp puppy teeth!
I take her out to potty, then decide to put her in her crate (she will be crate trained and this is NOT uncommon or awful) and before I can even entice her into the crate, she pees on the carpet. I dragged her into the crate, tossed in a couple toys and turned on the TV with no sound for companionship. Cleaned up the mess and went back to bed.
She cries for 2 hours. Barks and whines. (She's a puppy, so I am not going to get mean with her!) Even with earplugs--I can hear her.
About 11, I get up, take her back out to potty, and put her back in the crate. Came upstairs for a sleeping pill (well, another Klonipin, to be honest)....DH wakes up, panicked "where's the dog??" I tell him and say " just get up in a few hours and let her out if you want, but please make her stay in the crate".
I CANNOT sleep. 2:30, still awake. Angry and tired and the dog is intermittently crying and barking. Up again! Now hubby has gotten up, come downstairs and is trying to sleep on the sofa and make the dog lay down next to him on the floor. I blow up--as much as I can, being so tired. Put the dog back in the crate, back to bed. Now DH is snoring so loudly, I can't sleep. ( His allergies are so bad....) Up again at 4:30, dog is asleep in the crate, hubby has his headphones on and I just leave them be. Obviously pup has peed several more places..there's wads of paper towels on the floor, like they will magically soak up the pee...I don't clean those up--at this point..why??
At 5 am I finally drift off as I hear my neighbor fire up his car to go to work. At 8 I get up, having had maybe 3 hours of sleep. I'm so grouchy and mad.
Now it's 10:15. Puppy and DH are sleeping sweetly. I have a raging migraine and I woke up crying--never a good sign.
I am spending the day AWAY from here. I have some errands to run, one of which is to retrieve my carpet cleaner....just clean the carpet for the interim before I choose new. Sadly, now, I will also have to replace the pad, too.
NOT a happy camper here today. But better I tell all of you than blow up at a man who will not and cannot listen to me and honestly? doesn't CARE.
If this owner doesn't retrieve her dog tomorrow night, as promised, I am checking into a hotel. I have got to get some sleep, and as long as I know the dog is awake and loose, I know she's piddling in the house. I feel like I am on a sinking ship.
Thanks for listening. It will all be OK, but sheesh, what a mess.
I had a raging migraine, which I treated and went to bed with at 6. Told hubby, in no uncertain terms, that puppy was to be TAKEN out and make SURE she pottied, praised effusively, and the let back in (he was just letting her out at random times and "assuming" she'd gone.) I also said he HAD to crate her at night, no matter how bad he felt for her. She did much better, just a few minutes of crying and once in the night I got up and let her out, then right back into the crate. (Crate training is what the OWNER wants, and I find it calms this dog to be in enclosed areas for a little while).
She has still completely ruined our carpet, which I will not make an issue of to the owner, She's just a kid and offered to replace the carpet, but goodness, she's been kicked out of her home by keeping this dog, how could I in good conscience even entertain the thought of that???
We DO have the dog another couple of days, so there goes any holiday plans we had--movies and dinner out with friends--hubby won't leave the dog!
This has been a good lesson for DH in terms of compromise (he doesn't believe in it, if he wants something, he gets it, no matter how I feel) and consequence. He hasn't been allowed to sleep 24/7 as he loves to on vacation--as I will NOT attend to this dog I did not want to house.
Still and all, I am, in DH's book, being "a real princess" for not wanting to help this girl. Whatever. It's NOT on me, it's on him (and my carpet :) ) and that's the truth.
I am going to be OK. Thanks for just listening. I also have been having some hea;lth issues and am having an endoscopy tomorrow to rule out stomach cancer, retained gallstones and whatever else the GI doc can look for. I've been actively sick for 3 months, and not pleasant, I know, to live with---but DH doesn't understand how anxious I am.
Oh well--off to the store to buy the food for HIS family's party which I am organizing and hosting and cooking for on the 30th. All I ask is that this dog be GONE on Thurs..no today as was PROMISED!!!!!
Better to vent online that at an innocent dog or a husband.
Going to look at carpet on Saturday, Hubby's whole bonus is going on the downstairs floor :) I will choose expensively for sure :)
I call it an unbalanced relationship. I suspect your health issues are due, at least in part, to stress.
"All I ask..." Sometimes you have to tell, not ask.
Set your boundary - either the dog is out of there by Thursday or you are -or whatever consequence works for you. Either he helps with the family dinner or this is the last year you do it, and so on. It takes some energy to keep this up, but the alternative is what you are living with - stress, health issues, and a selfish sob.
Expecting to have your own way, regardless of how it affects your partner is childish. The relationship with a child is, by necessity, balanced in the direction of the child, as they need to be cared for by their parents, and they are not expected to care for their parents. Mature adults take responsibility for their role in a partnership and care for others as well as being cared for.
Look after you, midkid! You matter.
Oh Lord, you really made me laugh out loud with this :D
Thank you, because I really needed it, I'm exhausted too after all Christmas preparation so I FULLY understand you.
The hotel sounds like a brilliant idea, perhaps is the Christmas gift the puppy brought you, go for it!
Sending you a hug and a prayer for your mom.
Oh how I can relate!
Two years ago hubby brought home two darling poodle puppies (without consulting me first). Ok, they're small and fairly well behaved. However, hubs always wanted a BIG dog. (Then WHY did you bring home 2 small breed dogs?)
This past summer, he had me close my eyes and put a German Sheppard/Belga Molinois puppy in my hands-SURPRISE! ---What? No, no..We already have 2 dogs.
Get this, he said, "I found him tied to the fence of an empty lot, howling in the hot sun with no food or water!" Normally I wouldn't of bought this story for a second but we live in Tijuana and worse things have happened with animals here.
Hubs was enchanted with the dog! Over the course of time we found he's a jumper. He's just about knocked me over and we have to chain him when any short family members and kids come over.
He's scratched one whole side of my car with his nails. Two months ago, he got under the SUV and chewed the entire electrical system to pieces to the tune of $750. Hubs now fences off the cars and puts crates under them so DDog can't squirm underneath.
Needless to say, I didn't talk to DH for 2 days.
Because the now adult dog is so unruly, we sent him away for 3 weeks of "training" (boot camp-haha). Hubs is SO proud that the dog will walk by his side and stop when he stops. But the darned thing STILL jumps up on you, he will not "sit" unless screamed at, he runs at lightening speed without looking (or caring) what's in his path, etc. He jumps the fence into hubs' prized garden. (The 2-1/2 ft. plastic fence was fine for the poodles.)
I tried to tell him these kind of dogs can be very smart (police, search and rescue, drug sniffers, etc.) but they are also very unruly.
We now are looking to professionally fence the whole yard (we rent) or just keep dealing with the dog getting into trouble.
Fortunately, hubs does all the pee and poop detail, scrubbing everything down with soap and bleach weekly. We either have the dogs bathed or I do it.
Since DH is so smitten with BigDog, I've tried to pay extra attention to the 2 small dogs.
This just isn't fair.
The poodle, well, the moment he put his mouth around my toddler's arm who was not even looking, I lifted the dog off the earth by the scruff of his neck and flipped him (softly now) over on his back, gently so not to hurt him, but to surprise him. It's pack psychology I studied in anthro or psyc class in college a billion years back, probably debunked, but the poodle never doubts my authority over any situation. When I enter his house, he runs for his mama's bedroom, and if that does not work, hides under her sofa. He never as much as sniffed one of my children again.
Yes, I'm a dog lover and have 3 well behaved big dogs.
I am not doing another family party for his family. No matter how hard I try, he always has criticism about what I serve, where we go....this is my last year. I'm stepping away and the younger generation can handle it.
I have an endoscopy scheduled for tomorrow morning, as I have been having some serious GI issues and have had a bunch of inconclusive tests..so I am already stressed out and sick. This dog thing has not helped.
Basement carpet is beyond redemption, so I'll have this ripped up and new installed. Hubby is not complaining about that, he better not, anyway.
I'm sure I'll feel better after the endo. results come back and the dog goes!! The family party? It is what it is, I already know I failed at it, so I don't really even want to try.
Hubby also needs to get back into his psych doc, he was doing really well but has backslid something fierce. (For anger issues and self awareness therapy)....ah---and he has to leave town on the 2nd and I can't wait.
Glad I made some people laugh--I'm sure in about 10 years I'll think this was funny, too. Not so much right now as my house just stinks.
Hope hub gets back to his therapy - sounds like he needs it.
Hang in there and let us know about the results for the endoscopy. Praying there is no serious trouble.
Husbands can really be something, huh?
Dog is behaving better. She'll be totally housebroken by the time we eventually turn her over to the owner (and I have this sinking feeling it won't be today, as was re-negotiated by DH and the owner. I haven't even attempted to clean house since Christmas--dog has denuded the tree to the height she can reach, peed in EVERY room in the house...oh well.
Yeah, husbands can be something. Mine is walking a thin, thin line recently.
My exSO reeeeeeelllly wanted a dog. Please could we get a dog? Pleeeeeeze. It would help him lose weight and get more fresh air. He loved dogs. He'd always wanted a dog. He'd feed it and walk it and worm it and...
Five years later I have sole custody of the dog. I can't blame exSO because truth is I didn't believe him at the time.
My mother was rarely hard-hearted. But on the occasion when the kids and I stopped a Weimaraner running into the road during a visit to them and took it to my parents' house to report it lost, and my father fell instantly in love with this "wonderful animal, look at that head! What a beauty! If the police can't trace the owner can we - "
"Don't be so bloody ridiculous!" she snapped.
It's a cruel to be kind thing. Show any weakness and you're knee-deep before you know it. Sigh.
Between you and us... if the puppy does learn the rules... and all being well with your procedure God willing spit-spit-spit... [whisper] would you quite like to keep her?
"Don't be so bloody ridiculous!"
Thought that Midkid was so thoughtful to not want to ruin anyone's Christmas, so she posted here. What a softie!
Is the puppy up for grabs?
When she got ready to leave - i scooped up the dog and handed him to her and said that my son will really love seeing the dog when we visited her. Naturally a fight ensued but we held firm. She had to take the dog back to the pet store as she lives 1000 miles away and every time we visit (six years later) the relatives all comment on how cruel we were to poor son - he so wanted a dog. My DIL says "two adults full time work never home until evening - what is the poor dog to do all day? I'm allergic to dogs - what the FXXX were you thinking? and Who the hell brings a dog as a gift without checking first with the ones who will have to take care of it??"
Actually son sees in our way - cruel to the dog with no one home all day, cruel to daddy if he can't live and breath in his own house. Unfortunately at nine - he has been exposed to his grandma's manipulating ways.
Even though they have anasthesia that wares off quickly, you can still feel lethargic for a couple of days afterwards. Hope that's the only reason you haven't posted.
I hope DH is waiting on you hand and foot, feeding you peeled grapes and fanning you with ostrich feathers!
Seriously, we're all concerned, so, whenever you can drop a text....
Today is Friday, hope the dog is gone. 🐶
Dog went home yesterday afternoon and was back here by 7 pm...it had lice. The owner washed it, but the place it was to be living for a while has 2 dogs and, well, "dog" lice is super contagious--so the dog came back here for yet another night. This was beginning to be absolutely comedic.
My endoscopy went well, took some biopsies and all, so I really don't know much more than that my guts are inflamed to a degree....after the biopsy comes back, we'll make a plan of care. So, no cancer, no ulcers, most likely, stress related (Grrrrr) oh well.
The dog was taken home about noon. I felt instant relief. Sweet dog, but so destructive and I was more than a bit angry with DH. But it's over, he's apologized and even went so far as to say he needed to get back in to see his therapist as soon as he can. So, for what it was worth, this time, in this situation, he did "get" that he was totally in the wrong and being a real jerk. I guess that's progress. I'll take it.
No, there was never an option for us to keep this dog. Never, ever, ever. It's not the kind of dog we'd even want, but we did help someone out who really needed the help--and this pup is now 100% healthy and almost 100% housebroken. Also, she gained 5 lbs in the 5-6 days we had her.
Thanks to all of you for listening to me vent. This is so much healthier than being angry and then passive aggressive towards DH. This whole dog thing, on top of mother being very ill, and me not feeling tip top--just the cherry on the sundae. DH is pretty obtuse, but he finally "got it" when the puppy chewed up one of his favorite shoes. He wasn't watching it at all----after PROMISING he'd be 100% responsible...he just....can't.
And, the anesthesia lasted all day. I slept until 1 am. Felt good!