I am sick worrying about my 90 year old father in a hospital with no visitation. He had a small bowel obstruction which they operated on last Monday. He is in SICU, and is confused a lot of the time. It really doesn't help that the family can't be in front of him. He is doing (mostly) ok otherwise....but my nephew called and asked the nurse to give him the phone. He couldn't really make any sense of what he was saying. He is not like this at home. He is frail and gets around the house with a walker. But he is very with it and he can take care of his daily things and make breakfast, read the paper. He watches tv a lot. My brother lives with him and is there in the evening and night. Any time he's been in the hospital, he gets confused, which I understand that. But now we can't even evaluate how he's doing ourselves, so I am very worried. The nurses don't know how is is at home. I am a retired cardiovascular tech, so I know how it can be, but I hate that I can't do anything!!
Sorry, just had to vent. This is so hard.
I gave my husband your "thanks" - he loved the book when he read it about 30 years ago, it is written like a novel/story but, packed a punch!
Would love to know what you think of it - whether good or bad.
My husband suggests you might really enjoy reading "The Screwtape Letters" by C.S. Lewis.
I always keep you in my prayers :)
Now, about the hospital. I've watched both of my parents suffer from Hospital Delirium whenever they went there. It was awful to witness. My father who did not have an ounce of dementia was acting unhinged in the hospital, seeing things that weren't there, just out of it entirely. My mother was trying to pack her bags in the paper sleeve that the eating utensils come in on the food tray! This delirium DOES pass once they're OUT of the hospital and back in familiar surroundings. It just goes with the territory, you know?
Try to speak to him on the phone as much as possible; let the staff at the hospital know that it's urgent you do so since there's a no visitor policy in force right now. See if you can make an appointment to speak with him at the same time every day, for instance, say 12 noon or something, NOT in the evening when sundowner's kicks their butts even harder and they're even MORE out of it than usual!!!! You might be able to arrange something like that which would be ideal. Don't expect him to be lucid, just let him know you love him & are thinking about him and awaiting his release and return home.
Good luck. I know how hard all of this truly is. God bless.
Some wonderful books: the Religious Studies scholar Elaine Pagal and her "Why Religion". The Author C.S Lewis brilliant book about the death of his wife, the short and eloquent "A Grief Observed". Both found their strong faith in question when they suffered greatly; both ended with their faith all the more strong.
There is almost no scholar of religion, be he or she VERY religious or not at all, who has NOT questioned faith. Most "believers" return from this questioning with their faith STRONGER. I certain suggest Lewis's book to anyone who beats him or herself up for questioning their own strong faith. It is short, and exquisite, and makes one so forgiving of their own lack of "perfect understanding".
I'm sorry that your dad's situation is one of those "one step forward, two steps back" type of thing.
Sounding weak is definitely to be expected with everything he's been through and continues to go through. I'm sorry to hear that the incision is leaking and he may be developing a possible infection. I'm always grateful when they get a wonderful nurse who makes a special effort to assist.
I did smile when he told you if you need anything to call him - that's one to keep in your memory bank.
There is nothing wrong when it comes to questioning things in regards to faith - it's human even for those who have a lot of faith - "why" being the most asked question. But God says His ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not ours. He will always have a sort of mystery about Him imo to keep us wanting to search in order to get to know Him more fully. So don't beat yourself up for not having your sister's faith or anyone else's for that matter. We are to have a personal relationship with Him that's all our own, flaws and all. God always has a purpose and a reason for everything and nothing surprises Him. Sometime we may get to know that purpose/reason after the fact and other times we may never know in this life.
I will be praying for you as this continue to unfold and that God will give you strength.
I'm so glad you got to say your "I love yous" to each other in the meantime. Many have not been able to have that opportunity especially with the pandemic/lockdowns.
Keep holding on!
We were brought up Catholic and I really wish I had my sister's faith....I always question things. But I do think God has a purpose and reason. I have to think that way.
Thank you again for support and listening.
Good to know that there are options for staying in touch and getting a chance to lay your eyeballs on your loved one and visa-versa.
I certainly understand you being sick with worry about your father being in the hospital with no visitation.
I hadn't seen my mom since February 28th, then her ALF went into lockdown on March 13th leaving me to wonder how will I know how she was doing since her windows were not accessible from the outside. We ended up getting her an iPad which was difficult for her to use since she was 95 with Alzheimer's unless I called her on the phone first and walked her through it. It helped until she stopped answering the iPad because unbeknownst to us she became severely ill.
In April, we got a call from an outside mobile nurse who said she was near death due to severe dehydration and COVID. I called her facility and told them I wanted her taken to the ER. I felt horrible knowing she was in an insolated wing in the hospital all alone and my husband and I not being able to be by her side. I'm sure she was frightened seeing the hospital staff in full gear - their masks were the big black gas masks which even took me aback.
I would think maybe with everything they are giving your father that he may be "out of it" so to speak and that's why he's confused.
Can you ask them to do a Facetime with you and your dad when he is able. That's what we did. The hospital staff had one iPad to pass around to all the families on the floor. We were able to do it twice but at least she was able to see us and vice versa. I reassured her I knew she was there because I had her taken there, we didn't abandon her and we were in constant communication with her wonderful doctors and nursing staff. This helped us all tremendously.
The pandemic has created such a hardship for both the families and our loved ones so please know you are not alone in what you're experiencing.
I know you're just venting; I know it's hard but, just wanted you to know you are by no means alone in all this.
I will be praying for you and your father - may he get better soon!