I thought tired as I was, pissed as I often was, I could handle it. I tried to clarify to my boss that the burden of contacting our homebound folks was taking a toll that was increasing, to limit that, but no. Anyhow, one Sunday AM as I had a list of to-do's, I didn't feel well, and called a friend to come help look after my pup. After she did I still felt weak and unwell and we wound up calling 911. I was taken to the local hospital at that point complaining of back pain. I had felt something odd in my chest..., I consequently was taken by helicopter at a charge (bill already arrived) of $47K, to the main campus of Cleveland Clinic where I was diagnosed with a dissection of the aorta. So if you're hesitant to spend any funds to get yourself some help with the tasks before you, think of what the toll actually could be in terms of both your life and your finances. I truly nearly died. And in spite of their issues, the elders managed to get through the month I was away. Me on the other hand, I have lost myself and am devastated. I have limited energy, no endurance, must rest often, have had my identity snatched by a medical institution (not that I'm not grateful for their saving me) and have had them literally attempt to take over my life with drugs and medical appts set up without consulting me. I endured a stay in a rehab place that was so dreadful I will not ever reccommend it to anyone. I suffered separation from those I love and who love me due to the COVID chaos. So take care of yourselves. YOU are worth it!
You mentioned that your identity was "snatched." Do you mean the records were hacked or compromised, or something else? I would be furious as well about setting up appointments w/o ensuring I was available, and scripting for drugs although I do understand given that you had a serious issue. However, you don't have to be bound to take every drug they prescribe; some institutions haven't figured out that what's necessary isn't always a whole bundle of drugs.
I hope you have peace in your life going through the rest of this turbulent year, and a peaceful winter which allows you to heal, and to bond more with your parents.
Thanks for sharing this unpleasant experience, and I hope that you do heal well and eventually put this behind you.
These things can happen to us, and it is so difficult to pin it down to any one reason. All that said, we know stress isn't good for us; how to avoid it would be the larger issue.
I am so sorry this happened to you, so thankful you were able to get help; so many never make it to help; many more are not diagnosed quickly enough to be saved. This is going to take time for recovery.
So so thankful you are here, and as to the larger issue of caring for elders and passing before they do, it has been seen here on Forum. Your warning is timely at any time. I think many here have actually expressed that they fear stress will kill them. We do need to consider each day how we choose to live our lives within the limiting choices we have.
I wish you so much healing. What an amazing journey; I know you could write a book, and maybe you should consider that? Healing thoughts sent your way.
Wishing you a very speedy recovery and a way to strike a deal with the medical institutions coming after you for ridiculous amounts of money. Just make sure to take care of YOU now, and speak to your doctor about which drugs are medically necessary to keep you on the road to a full recovery vs which ones are optional. Same with the doctor appointments; which ones are vital vs. which ones can be eliminated. Unless they'd like to give you all of this for free?
Good luck!
What a horrible wake up call! I sincerely hope that you totally recover and live the best life possible.
Promise yourself that you will start to place yourself at the top of the list! You deserve it. You can’t afford to allow any additional stress in your life.
Best wishes to you and your future.
"2020: The gift that keeps on giving."
I want to return the gift and get my life back!
I'm saddened that this medical emergency has changed your life so. Your life has been one of caring and giving both for your mom and dad and for helping other elderly age gracefully. I salute you and wish you a full recovery. The world needs people like you.
Wishing you a full recovery, and peace for your journey.
On the other hand, I couldn't agree more strongly that the best way to use this awful experience is as a wake-up call - not to mention a clear demonstration that your parents will manage, come what may :)
Get better, be well, and go on taking good care of yourself. Many hugs.
The toll on caregivers is so overlooked, and even when one thinks they can handle it and have really good self care, the sheer grinding stress can sneak up and wreak havoc!! ( Just learned that one myself )
Thank you for sharing, I wish you a speedy recovery, and peace!!
Mentioning on a virtual call to my PCP a couple months ago I casually remarked that my 'heart palpitations' were starting to really annoy me. He was "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" And somehow my pre-chemo workup on me heart never made it to him.
He had me in a cardiologist office that day and I wore a Holter monitor for 72 hrs. After it was off and he called me with the results--I said "So, did I throw some 'offbeats'?" Thinking I hadn't had any episodes that made me lightheaded or anything--and he replied "You are almost in tachycardia 24/7. No wonder you're so tired." Been on metoprolol since and I do feel better--and when the episodes come, they're manageable.
Something I had lived with for a while--had actually brought in in several dr visits and it took my sweet PCP to dx it.
What's it due to? Pretty much just stress.
Dh is just now taking some of the burden of caring for his mother--and yesterday after spending about 45 minutes with her, he came home and actually CRIED. Not a lot, but to even have a couple of tears--that's like hysterics for him.
It was a wakeup call for him as she was (I guess, I wasn't there) as she became absolutely profane with him--we talked for hours about it--I have not had any relationship with her for years, really, and he has let his poor sister handle it all---and she is exhausted. Took early retirement b/c MIL will not allow ANYONE ELSE to help.
I did caregiving to 'strangers' as my job. It WAS stressful, but not one iota the stress of dealing with our mothers.
She told him to 'go to h3ll' as he was walking out the door. Oh, and to be sure to tell ME too.
Care giving is very hard but only if you try to do everything yourself instead of having help even if the help doesn't do things the way we think best.
You do have to care for yourself because no one else will.
I have taken my mother to the doc this week, and visited yesterday. Today, she was crying about her loneliness again today. Would I please come over?
She is in a lovely IL apartment. She refuses to participate in any activities. Refuses to just go down to the lobby and say hello to people.
Anyway, I know she has enough groceries. She is safe. My own health issues are having an awful flare today, and I am in bed. I needed to tell her no, and I did.
I won’t be able to visit at ALL, if I sink, so I need to take care of ME today.
Thanks again for your story.
Colleen
However, I appreciate you sharing your story, me personally, I was on the verge of getting sick. But ready stories and advice as like your, I do not feel guilty any longer or think I'm not doing enough. I have learned through others experiences. I have matured and learned a great deal in caregiving thanks to you and others willing to give advise and share there stories. I feel ok with how I am handling caregiving today, and your story is one that truly saved me. So thank you.
Except that he wanted to be there for my mother "'Til death do us part," he didn't believe he'd be the one who went first. Nevertheless, he wouldn't have had it any other way.