I am at a loss as to the next step to take. My mother is 61 and it seems like she is giving up. My father passed away very suddenly about 7 years ago. My mom has taken it hard and has been prescribed xanax. She was very controlling after this happened as well. She insisted that my husband come over and mow the lawn. That used to be my dads chore. My husband doesnt mind helping out but he thinks that since there is nothing wrong with her physically that she can do it. She has done it in the past and there really isn't anything wrong with her physically. Also she has recently had some work done on the house. She had to pack up some of her things. The work has been done for over 5 months and she refuses to put her house back together. On her time off she just sits in front of the TV. She has no ambition to do any thing. My dads clothes are still sitting in the closet. She refuses to do anything with them. She is great at making excuses as to why she has no time to do it. She refuses to talk to anyone (counselors) as she doesn't want to pay for it. She is not destitute she just doesn't want to "waste the money". My relationship with her is deteriorating as is my brothers. I am afraid of what my children's and my nephews perception of her is going to be in the long term as well as what lessons they may be learning from her behavior. I am afraid that she is going to continue her spiral downwards. Any recommendations as to how I can help her from doing just that?
Depression can make you consider yourself unworthy or even getting treatment or care, as well as just not feeling up to the smallest of tasks, let alone the big ones like taking care of a home. I might try to convince her to decrease the Xanax and try to get her out of her shell in some small way - visits, special foods, flowers, small gifts and cards, grandkid-related events, maybe even some special thing you could come up with that would be a memorial or honor of your dad's memory. By this time, most of the freebie opportunites that the funeral homes or hospitals offer for bereavement may have dried up, but you never know, you could ask. Maybe if you "wanted" to look at your dad's stuff, ostensibly to find some sentimental thing you wanted, she would let you help with that - it is not that uncommon that people cannot come to grips with that task, especially if grief and sorrow has not been worked through in any way. You might be able to bring back better memories and help some healing begin - it sure sounds like it hasn't, and you are right to be concerned.