This is what happened last night.. I moved 1000 miles and gave up a good paying job to care for my 90 father and 80 yr mother. I live in their home and they pay me 500 a month. (Very hard to live on) we applied to va benefits to help my financial situation for caring for them.. I was told by my mother I would not get the 500 and that too which is fine.. She then stated what ever we get you may get half a month.. And the fight begins.. I am just so sad and not sure what to do at this point.. I can not convey to them that 500 is really nothing, I have no other job or health benefits.. Other siblings are scattered thru the US. Not sure where to go
You don't have to put up with this.
But just for fun, give them the number of some caregiving agencies and have them call around to find out what in home care costs. Where I live, it's about $25 per hour, with a 4 hour minimum. See if mom and dad can do the math of having someone with them for 4 hours a day costing $100., times 30 days in each month.
HMMM, 4 hours a day of care will cost them $3000 a month. You are charging them $500. Hmmmm.
You might have to move fairly quickly; is there any way you can return to where you were before you moved? Any way to get that job back?
If you do stay near your parents, you can probably anticipate that the demands and hostility will continue unless you give in to them.
It's unfortunate that the situation has declined so quickly. But you have to look to yourself and your own needs b/c the demands your father is making are unrealistic.
You've been given good advice. Caring for 2 elderly people, while you're financially limited and literally home bound (as you may become as their needs increase) can become depressing (and I sense that you already are on that road).
Take some time out, away from the home, and develop your plan. If you stay there, explore resources for their care while you work. If you return to your former home, also line up care for them so they don't perceive that they're being abandoned.
YOU don't have to provide the care yourself; you can make arrangements for others to do it. Be prepared for a challenging search though.
And don't blame yourself; your intentions were good. No one really knows how these kinds of situations will work out and you had no way of perceiving that this would so difficult.
And check out assistance through the VA for caregivers:
www.va.gov/COMMUNITYCARE/programs/caregiver/index.asp
I just skimmed this site, but it seems that the VA assists in providing health care for caregivers w/o health care insurance.
Good luck.
Call your local Area Agency on Aging to get them a professional "needs assessment" to find out what they need and how they can access monies to pay for that care. THEIR resources, not yours pay for their care.
YOU need to make a plan to get a job outside their home and get back on your feet, financially and mentally.