I am the Caregiver for my 87 year old father. In addition to being a caregiver I work from home and Im a single mother of three children. We moved in with Dad about five months ago after he had a fall in the house. In the past months, My brothers were taking care of my father when he first got out of the hospital. Then they came up with the brilliant idea for me to move in and help take care of him I was against the idea from the beginning and expressed that to my siblings. Every day is filled with arguing. My father needs so much attention even though his physical condition has improved alot. He has a home health attendant while I work but that doesnt stop him from calling me upstairs to answer the phone, check his grand prize mail etc. I work from home full time 50 plus hours a week and Im required to have a quiet environment, Numerous times I have to tell him to be quiet because hes either yelling for me or has the TV at full blast. He sees me and the Home Health Attendant as his personal servants. My father cannot have a simple breakfast...he has to have a gourmet meal EVERY morning. He and the Home Health Attendant will go food shopping and he will always want something that is not in the house which means every time I go out, he wants something from the store or a favor done I find myself constantly rushing back home. I have no privacy nor time to just bond with my children. 24/7 is spent catering to my father and his whims. Not needs. He is not content to find something to do with himself..He spends his time arguing and being suspicious of everyone. Its exhausting. He doesn't have any friends nor does he socialize. feel like I have too much on my plate and every day is the same . If I go out on the weekend he gets back at me by snooping through basement which is basically where I sleep. If hes not doing that hes going through my daughter's rooms. Most days I'm in tears of frustration.
If your dad doesn't have medicaid, sign him up for it. If he has other insurances, call them up and ask if they cover adult daycare and other respite programs. Caregivers need all the help they can get so grab on to these opportunities.
That you can't bring yourself to "disrespect Dad's house" even for the sake of your own children's privacy is one indication that taking on a parental role with your father is too much for you. You are not his servant. You are not even his minor-age child who must obey him. But that is the role you seem stuck in.
You need a quiet place to earn your living. Your children need to see you as an adult and in-charge. You all need your privacy. Moving in was a mistake. You gave it your best shot but it isn't working out. Time to make other arrangements.
Good luck finding a suitable apartment!
LOCKS on the doors immediately
New HHA who works there was you want it takes direction from you immediately
Look for a place and have it all set up, then offer to your father that you will move unless certain requirements are met
I realize you don't want tface this but it's time to sh*t or get off the potty
Is the caregiver from an agency? You REALLY don't need attitude. Everyone has quirks that we may have to adjust to, but giving you attitude is not in her job description.
Dad doesnt like the weekend HHA so they argue all the time. Yet we are stuck with her because I need to have time to get out. We wound up moving in because the apartment we were renting was taken over by a management company and everyone had to leave..so my family felt that it all fell into place "perfectly". I find myself complaining every day. I dont like being like this at all.
Hugs!