Past breaking point.
Hi there, and I just wanna say first off that even just typing everything gives some kind of relief. I am glad that there are sites like this.
My mother has Multiple Sclerosis, and more recently, dementia. She has been in a chair for the majority of my life, and requires total assistance in transferring, standing, bathing, etc. The really tough part is her dementia. She is not able to retain much of anything we tell her anymore, and she gets very aggressive, physically and verbally. I am unable to have conversations I'd like to with my mother, because she will end up hysterical. I am only 20 years old and have yet to further my education/my life because no one will take care of my mother. My father works full time and makes it plenty clear that he has enough on his hands when it comes to helping out my mother. For almost 10 years now, we have been receiving help at home through different agencies. Unfortunately we can never find a stable care giver. Many people have come through our home and stolen from my mother, taken advantage of her, just up and left, or not done even a thing. I have started working at an agency so I could pick up a few days to 'officially care' for my mother. Since the most recent caregiver left about two weeks ago, without ANY notice (to this day), I have been working solely for m mother. I am so frustrated, and I believe that a family member can not be the only care in these types of situations. I have contacted everyone in the agency, who has only left me with "we'll try to find someone else" with no inkling of any time, or if this person is even a good fit for my mother. I feel like a terrible person because I seem to quickly nowadays get impatient easily. I am doing everything in this house, and I am left with no life. I love my mother very much, but working for her everyday has pushed me past my breaking point. I have spent the last years just trying not to end each night in tears. I would love to go to college and further my life, but no one will care for my mother. I am completely out of ideas and I just feel hopeless at this point.
Once again, major thanks for just a place like this even to vent.
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I hope you find a solution soon and get to go to college, speak to your dad and see if maybe its time for a good NH as her health issues are very hard to cope with on your own.
I know your dad is simply trying to hold things together, but what is going on is not working. He needs to explore other options that will be dependable and will allow you to build a life. You are too young to be a full-time caregiver.
been reading a b**chin book of frontier america , written on the trail in real time. elder indians would be comforted and left behind for the elements to reclaim.
your mom has been given a lot, she may have to deal with NH in the interest of fairness..
You need a life. You've done good by your mom (and your dad who also benefits from all of your work and dedication) but it's time to leave the nest and create your own life. You're at the age when it's appropriate to do this. If you continue to care for your mom, maybe for years, you will find yourself lost and alone and terrified because you won't know how to function on your own once your mom is gone. All you will know is caregiving and no one cares about that on a resume.
You are an adult and dad will have to deal with it if you decide to carve out a life for yourself. Doing this does not make you selfish, do not let it make you feel guilty. Do not let your father make you feel guilty. You have done your job as a dutiful, loving daughter. That your dad allows you to care for your mom day in and day out makes me think he is taking advantage of you. He *should* be encouraging you to get out there and live your own life, not stay in the house day after day caring for your mother. But with you doing all the heavy lifting your dad doesn't have to do a thing. It's really not his problem as long as he has you to do the job. And regardless of what your dad may say you have every right to walk away. You're an adult and no one can force you to do this. I hope it doesn't come down to that, I hope your dad encourages you and doesn't guilt you but even if he does fling the guilt around know that you are doing what's best for you. It doesn't mean you don't love your mom. Of course you do. And whatever happens after you make the decision to go on with your life you will always be able to see your mom. But get out now while you still can, honey. Since your my daughter's age I actually get tears in my eyes when I think about her having to care for me the way you've lovingly cared for your mom. I would never want to rob my daughter of this phase of her life. I'd sooner die first.
Talk to your dad. Make some plans. And don't ever, ever feel guilty about the decisions you make. Then come back and let us all know how everything is going.