I am the youngest of 6 siblings, and the one least capable of dealing with a depressed and angry Mom. She's 83 and in good physical health; she can dress, bathe and cook for herself. She even walks 30-45 min on the treadmill. But her depression, hostility and memory loss are edging me closer to the door to leave and never look back!!! My older brother and I live with her cause simply put we have no where to go. The other siblings who are her daughters have all left (two are out-of-state) I feel they just want no part of her so they stay away as far as possible. They have all married (two are divorced and separated) and the other lives close by but her husband and my Mom are mortal enemies she hates his guts cause Mom thinks he's keeping her daughter away(which maybe is true but I feel if she really wanted to spend time with Mom she would make the effort) but I think she stays away because she WANTS TO!!! Anyways my brother and I are substance abusers and have been for more than two decades which is the reason I say we have no where to go. We try to keep up with the household chores which includes caring for 5 cats...just keeping the litter clean is a full-time job plus feeding them.
On an average day I am up at 7am and honestly in no mood or condition to do anything until I've had my daily fix (heroin), which lately has been frustrating coming up with the money to do it but after that(whenever it occurs; sometimes it's not till later in the day) I can usually do whatever needs to be done(usually sweeping the house, doing the dishes, litter box, feed the cats) and I can relax for a while. She has major insomnia so she's up all night complaining she can't sleep but usually around the time I get up she's somewhat asleep. She usually (wakes) around 1 or 3pm then has her coffee and sits next to the window to stare out blankly for a couple of hours...then the constant complaints start...she's bored, she's bored, why do I get up....it goes on and on. Then it's trying to call my older sister who's in charge of her finances cause I messed that up a couple of years ago by losing control and draining her account. She now has a debit card that my sister puts money into(no ATM privleges) so we can shop for whatever she needs but it's always something: cat food, bread, milk, soda but mostly cat food cause she tends to overfeed them and we try to hide the food and she gets mad and starts yelling at us to give them more food even physically hitting us when she doesn't get her way...At night it's the old I can't find anything to watch on TV routine so one of us has to sit there and go through all the channels to find something she wants to watch and anything we put on for her she doesn't understand what's going on and you have to sit there and explain every detail of the show or movie repeatedly over and over. I usually go to bed around 7 or 8pm which is early but I do it so I don't have to deal with her whining and bitching...I have to wear earplugs cause the TV is very loud but nooo she's not going deaf (SHE IS) and I usually get up after she's gone to bed in the middle of the night so I can have a few hours of peace and go on the computer.... This series of events play out EVERY SINGLE DAY!!! She has no friends to speak of and no hobbies at all. She stopped doing any kind of chores like washing clothes(even her own) and when she cooks she just leaves a disaster in the kitchen and on the stove; it's like living with a child. I can go on and on but I'm beat, physically and emotionally every night....My brother tries to help out but it's usually me who's cleaning and dealing with the constant crabbiness....it's little wonder I have to be numb on dope to deal with this....Well thanks for letting me vent this awful situation.IMO she needs psychiatric intervention and meds to try to get her to feel better but she always refuses to go to any appointments "there's nothing wrong with me!!!" and at this moment I am deciding to check into a detox to get myself better but primarily to get a break from her psycho torture....I'm sure I'm not alone.....David
So find a local meeting and start going. Ask for a ride if you need one. But go. Today. You can do it! ;D
Healing is available in GOD, if we seek it.