Hello all, I'm new to this site. I don't know who to vent to. As a child, I was born with a cleft lip and palate and a loving mother (she loved me-and drugs) so in came my Grandparents... they took care of me and raised me when I had no one else. I was very close with them, they were my adoptive parents. Fast forward to a year ago, when I got engaged to my now husband. I was the happiest girl in the world. A month later, my Grandpa had a massive heart attack and died. My Grandma almost immediately went into the hospital. She almost died too, but came through and went back home. My Grandparents had 4 children, and 6 grandchildren. I am the only one who will help care for my Grandma. She is a christian and believes that you shouldn't sleep together before marriage; so i had to get married a month after my Grandpa's death so that I could move into my grandma's house to take care of her and still be with my husband. It was at the courthouse. No one could walk me down the aisle and was one of the most depressing days of my life even though I wouldn't trade my husband for anything. I can't work with the constant attention she needs, and she thinks that I am a "charity case" and just needed a place to stay. She is oblivious to the fact that she shouldn't drive and can barely walk. I find myself wanting a drink a bit too frequently. What do I do?
You love her but you need to leave the nest. You have the right to start out your married life in privacy with your husband, and bring children into the world (and into your home) based on whether you want them, not based on whether your sick grandmother wants them, or whether there's room in her home for them.
I suggest telling your mother and her siblings that you will need to place grandma in a facility unless they come up with a better plan for her care. And mean it. You're entitled to your own life. Be strong. We have your back.
Have a lock put on your bedroom door.
You state that you can't work. Does grandma need 24/7 looking after? Or could she be managed with someone coming in a few hours a day a few times a week? Have you looked into what programs are available in your area?
What is grandma's financial situation? Can she pay for her care, or is it time to get her qualified for Medicaid. What is her doctor's opinion about what level of care she needs?