After having moved from NY to FL, to care for my 86 year old father in 2007, primarily to "shadow" and keep him from falling. He was diagnosed with a Parkinson's like disease that caused him to "throw" his right foot in front of his left and falling almost daily. He died of natural causes at home while Mom and I comforted him.
From that day forward, my two older brothers began their crusade. Two days after Dad's passing, without my knowledge, (I am trustee and personal rep.) had visited the attorney that wrote all the documents and changed the POA docs. too include them,with the three of us "acting jointly", which created a two against one situation. Never once consulting me. Since then my POD for $50,000 disappeared, my compensation of $250 per week as well. I lived off of bank loans until I could no longer pay it back with My $488 per month SSI, lost my car, health and dental ins.,bank account, credit, social life.You name it. As I write this, I am waiting for extensive spinal surgery, with four months of physical therapy due to fracturing my back while lifting my 208 pound dad off the floor and into bed, by myself with no possible help from him. Big brothers refuse to accept or acknowledge the incident regardless of what Mom and Dads primary doctors have to say about it. We have several caregivers in and out day and night, who where hired by my brothers from their homes in CA and PA without background checks, or references. They refuse to even comment when I remind them of being ripped off by these hires, and continue to commit lible, and slander against me.
Enduring their abuse since Dad passed Oct.4th,2010, and forced to stay here without the money to enjoy any social life, recreation, or respite, I need advice. Can't consider an attorney, for lack of funds and have not stayed overnight anywhere else for over 2.5 years, I need to listen to the many people who encourage me to "stand up to those bullies!" Any advice would be very appreciated. Sad, tired,lonely and bankrupt.
And acting "jointly" isn't two against one. It means you all have to agree. Are you sure that's what it says?
I am so sorry for all the pain you are in, physically and emotionally.
Let's handle your concerns one by one. Start with the POA. Is it for your mother? Did your mother go with the brothers to sign a new document? How do you know -- have you seen the document? Does it confer the authority "jointly"? Clarify this piece of the puzzle, so we can better understand the situation.
She was in no condition to know what any of it meant. She also had macular degeneration and could not read for several years prior. The premise of the trip to atty. was to sign living will and designation of health care surrogates.
COA did you not have a copy? How can that be changed after the death, when its payable at death
What is your mother's infirmity? Your profile says she has cancer. You've said that she also has macular degeneration. What kinds of things does she need to have done for her? How long has this been going on? Could she live alone? Were the caregivers that your brothers hired from an agency? What did they do to rip you off? Is their currently a caregiver coming into the home?
Do I understand this correctly? You were being paid $250/month by your parents to help your dad. Now you are helping your mother, but you are not getting paid. When did the $250 stop?
You fractured your back 7 years ago, and you are soon to have surgery on it. What would you like your brothers to do about this?
What, exactly, has forced you to stay where you are? Obviously the SSI is a very small amount to live on. Do you have your name on a waiting list for subsidized housing?
I guess the basic question is, what do you want your brothers to do now?
I will be undergoing spinal surgery and fusion within the following month. four months rehab/pt.after four days in hospital .I will stay at the house and fend for myself. Mom will be cared for through an actual agency for the first time,now that She needs four girls on two shifts to remain in the home. Bathing, toilet, in and out of bed, chairs cars and walking. Previous caregivers where hired through word of mouth with no background checks or referrals. They moved/relocated most everything in the house to the point that We could not find things,making it almost impossible to notice the things gone missing. Example: Moms closet contained jewelry, clothing, shoes etc. Half of which was never worn, disappeared.
I promised Mom that I will never leave Her. We where both with Dad, comforting Him as He passed away peacefully, and I am bound and determined to be there for Mom as well. I am the closest person to Her as well as Her best friend. Without the funds to travel or socialize, forces Me to stay with Mom but that's a good thing now that She is dependent on others. Our friends and neighbors feel that Mom would give up if I were to leave, and admire My loyalty, and commitment. I am proud and always will be. Honesty, sacrifice, love and caring is a commodity that seems to be less important as people become more selfish. My conscience is My guide and allows Me to feel free from the kind of guilt My Brothers will suffer if they posses any conscience at all. Yes, I have been worried about My future, but realize Ones Future is determined by His or Herself.
It is hard to know to help you get what you want when it is not clear what you are after.
One brother is loaning the estate enough to pay 24/7 care giving plus numerous other expenses. Because of His generosity (loan) He unofficially appointed Himself as Moms Trustee and Personal Rep, which is legally My position as per the trust. micromanaging from CA. with His new wife.Changed Moms address to Ca. Making many Bill payments past 90 days. currently over a year late on Moms van repairs. Than They come to visit and tell all present, about Their two homes, trips to Germany, the indoor pool at their factories private offices. Upon their departure the employees, start complaining about their $8 hourly wage, and that they have to have to "front" the money for food, gas,prescriptions,etc. Then They have to submit the receipts for reimbursement from CA. In the mean time They often get caught short due to living week to week. I have been told that because of paying the caregivers, I can tough it out.
I have considered resigning as Trustee due to the liability created by dysfunctional and Inappropriate mgmt. If they ever read any of the trust documents, They chose to ignore what little bit they may have learned.
I have long since read the trusts, wills,codicils and amendments and often refer to them still.
Final answer to "what do I want My Brothers to do?"
Again,$250 per week, a pat on the back, an apology for treating Me like dirt,
and a new attitude from here on out. Otherwise I will go toe to toe with the both of them in the courtroom. Between the blatant ignorance and disregard to the Trust, plus the lack of accounting required, I look forward to court. I am confident I will be the only one smiling when the gavel comes down.
Document everything You feel was not kosher with people that have said,done,or not done,( anything that effects You negatively. )Guard them closely until the right time presents itself. It can be Your big surprise that they never saw coming , turning Bullies into pussy cats!
Or you MIGHT appeal to them as their younger brother, with disabilities, and family should stick together and help each other. It is what Mom would want done with the money.
Do you think either of these approaches would work?
If not, then forget about the pat on the back, the apology, and the new attitudes.
Sadly, it seems to be time to consult a lawyer.