Same old stuff but I need to rant.
Today Mom told me she called the case worker to cancel the homemaker service that was set up for her and Dad. Mom said they don't want strangers coming in the house and seeing their stuff. The case worker convinced Mom to at least have the homemaker do their grocery shopping and clean the bathroom. Mom said OK. I'll believe it when it happens.
Our biggest concern is Mom going up and down stairs with laundry, it's a real falling hazard. I tried before to get her to wait until one of us were there to do laundry.One of us siblings is at the house at least once a week usually more often, but she gets impatient. I was hoping that having the homemaker in twice a week would take care of this. Guess not. Mom is finding a reason to refuse any help unless it's from one of us.
As long as my parents are deemed competent and refuse to make changes I am choosing to back off and so is my brother. I will continue to check in by phone throughout the week and call the caseworker to let her know how it's going and I will visit every week or two but anything else is just spinning my wheels. Our sister on the other hand has gone full throttle. She is determined that they will do as she wills, her frantic efforts make me think of the saying "arranging deck chairs on the Titanic". I let her know I was done trying to force something to happen before it's time. She cut off communication and has gone solo.
I guess the drama is now non stop with her and my folks. According to Mom one minute she is their savior, the next she is a demon in the flesh. Mom keeps trying to draw me into the circus but I am working hard at keeping out of it. I hate that my sister can't step back, it's making things worse and it has to be taking a toll on her. But it's her choice. I can't stop her and she can't stop my parents from making terrible choices.
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Some people use aggression as a cover when they are scared/unsure/hopeless.
My sister was in a good mood today so that helped. Like my Mom she cycles between normal/nice and aggressive hostility. When she is like that it's best not to talk to her at all because she is looking to fight and she is good at baiting. When her mood swings over to the dark side (and it will) it will be harder to deal but thats not today.
Thanks for listening. It really helps to write this stuff down and share.
Chicago, we have talked to them about a personal alert system but they are not interested. I'm sure it has to do with not wanting to spend money. They have the means but that's another story.
There is no plan if one passes away. That is something they absolutely will not talk about. The only thing they have ever told us is they want full resuscitation and life support measures taken if something happens.
My parents truly believe that Dad is going to get all better and they are going to have their old life again including resuming their business. Dad is 87, he survived sepsis and an aortal aneurysm but the damage left him quite frail and showing signs of cognitive decline, not enough to be declared incompetent though. I did once suggest to Mom that there is a real possibility that Dad will not get better, that this might be his new reality. She got angry and acted like I was terrible for saying such a thing. I should have known better.
This is very hard, backing off when you fear disaster. But it is what you have to do.
Rant away!