So all the reading I've done here and elsewhere and a few sessions with a therapist led me to set some boundaries with my PD dad. He has made some suggestions about my husband and I purchasing various insurance for our future. They are valid suggestions, but I'm middle aged with kids of my own and would like to feel like an adult who can make my own decisions. This was never a valued quality in my growing up years: I wasn't encouraged to think for myself or deviate from the party line. The boundaries I set were not met with open arms and he said he was offended and now seems to be avoiding me. I know this is what I have to do for my own well being, but still feel like the difficult daughter (a few years ago in another incident, he told me I "have a manner I need to address" namely, disagreeing and setting boundaries. HELP!
But you are an adult now. It would be nice if Dad shows his appreciation and approval, but you no longer depend on him and you will really survive if you don't get as much approval from him as you'd like. I hope you have others in your life who do show approval.
You offended him? And now he is pouting and avoiding you? Hmm. Sounds like his problem to me. Don't reward this manipulative behavior, if you don't want to see lots more of it.
Do what you need to do as an independent adult. It is not your responsibility to please your father all the time or to make him happy. If you want to feel like an adult who can make your own decisions, just act like an adult who can make your own decisions.
Don't cut off your nose to spite your face. If he gives you good advice, thank him. If he gives you advice you don't think you'll take, still thank him for his concern. Certainly never feel obligated to do anything just because he advised it. But don't stubbornly refuse to consider good advice just to prove a point.
And you don't need to address any "manner" you don't choose to address!
Remember: God gave us TWO ears. One for "in and one for "out."
You know that you are not a foolish child. Don't take Dad's opinion so seriously. He's wrong. His intentions are good, but he is clueless about good interpersonal skills.
Have you ever had a heart-to-heart with him, explaining how his approach is treating you as a child and you had hoped by now you could have conversations as two adults?