Am I being too picky? Doesn't every one call their parents on major holidays, without fail? My sibs used to be pretty good about this, but they all didn't call on folks birthdays this year, and completely missed Thanksgiving. One grandkid did call (thank Heavens). My parents especially Mom were visibly upset when i mistakenly expressed some hope that "maybe Jon will call if we start eating pie...." (Murphy's law of sitting down to eat, the phone rings).
Should I instead be calling each of the 4 siblings (and the ex-SIL who has custody)? They never call much anymore at all. Oh but I know they'll be calling when they're thinking they're gonna inherit something. So incredibly sad.
My brother no longer calls her for the same reason. Our childhood holidays weren't the best.
I do make a point of sending a card or calling the a few days before and state "we'll celebrate when I see you"...and I make a point to follow thru and do that. This gives her something to look forward to and salvages my holiday.
Sounds selfish maybe but a sacrifice for my self preservation.
Unless the relationship between grandchildren, nieces, nephews, etc is current and ongoing, I don't think it is necessary for them to call on the holiday unless they really want to. I agree it would be nice if they sent a card or brief note as this is meaningful to the senior that they can hold and re-read over and over...but today that is pretty rare, they hardly even send a thank you note.
And we can all agree....that poster is right, they will all be present to share in the estate whether or not they have made a point to honor the elder and whether or not we feel they are deserving.
Take it from someone who spent waaay to much time whining about selfish family, just let it go! You need to focus on loving and caring for your parent to the best of your ability...
It's their loss.. When my Mom passes I will be able to hold my head high, knowing I gave her my all.. She deserves respect and love...
Do not make a big deal about phone calls it is not worth it because of the agitation it could cause in your elders and the additional stress on you. Find a way to lessen the importance of these calls for YOU!
Perhaps your sibs and family feel frustrated by their calls to them and no longer place the same importance on the holiday calls that you do. I like Jeanne's little reminder, but I wouldn't point out the absence of calls now that you know it upsets your mom. Mom and Dad could call their kids sometimes, too.
Everybody has to live with their own conscience, if they don't call or visit - their problem, not mine.
You are not responsible for the behavior of your adult siblings or their children. They make their own choices. If you think they may be thoughtless rather than deliberately making a choice, you could make a gentle reminder a few days ahead of the event. A general email or smart phone message along these lines ...
"I hope you are all well and have fun plans for the holiday. We'll have a scaled-down version of our traditional standards, and for sure have Great-Aunt Betty's pie recipe! If you are planning to call the folks, between 3 and 7 would work best with our meal plans -- but do whatever is convenient for you and we'll make it work!"
Don't tell them what to do -- not your role -- but plant the seed of an idea!